Douchebags On Parade

Nationally televised Wednesday night game on ESPN and we've got our douchebags on parade. Brett Myers and Ryan Howard stole the show last night. Yes, Chipper Jones may have more hits than at bats (is that possible?) and Tom Glavine won his 900th game, but Myers and Howard captivated the audience with their ability to single-handily (well, actually I guess it would be double-handily in this case) blow the game. Undeserving title holder of #1 starter Brett Myers has been a complete and utter train wreck this season. Through 9 starts the immature, whiny, hothead has a 5.91 era with 15 homeruns allowed; that's a pace for 59 homers and the weather hasn't even warmed up yet. Last night he allowed 3 solo shots with 9 hits and 3 walks for 8 runs overall through 4.1 agonizing innings. 2 of those 8 runs were unearned and that's where douchebag #2 steps up. We all know of Ryan Howard's struggles at the plate (just look to the top right of this blog for his Mendoza Line counter), but he has and always will be a DH playing firstbase. Howard dropped a throw that would have completed a double play that hit him square in the middle of his mitt. Is it really that difficult to catch a ball? Seriously, I've seen people wrangle up greased pigs better than Howard scoops up balls.

Despite the handy work of the Howard and Myers, there were some positives to take away from last night: Chris Coste was 4-4, Utley nailed his 14th roundtipper, the bullpen worked 4.2 scoreless innings, and the Phils almost came back from an 8 run deficit.

Rubber game tonight with King Cole (4-3, 3.36) vs. Chuck James (2-2, 7.58), they better damn well win!

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30 Comments On: "Douchebags On Parade"

 
The only low point to that game was Myers...who knows whats up with him. Maybe he needs to actually long toss before the game like everybody else and like he used to do when he was a starter before. Howard was not a "douche" He made a mistake...big deal. I guess Ruiz was a douche 2 nights ago on that PB??? Howard is looking better at the plate and did a decent job last night. As far as the warm weather goes...were you actually at the game last night? I was, and while it wasn't the summer air...there was absolutely no wind and the ball was flying out of the park during BP and during the game. Of course Myers didn't help the matter by throwing fastballs right down the middle. Myers needs to figure it out whether it be in the minors or whatever, but we need him to get on track. I don't think you'll have many...if any...supports on the Howard claims though.

and had they not been playing Victorino so incredibly deep...we wouldn't be as concerned.

I think Howard has shown definite improvement. Had we won, noone would remember the dropped ball. But Myers on the other hand....maybe HE should've been trade for Kobiashi. LOL!!!

1 hole in your theory...would Kobayashi be allowed to pitch on dollar dog night?


things that make you go hmmmm

LMAO!!!!!

howard is improving at the plate for sure. he's done "better" lately. he did homer last night everyone.

I'll give props to Howard for improvement at the plate, because he is slowly digging himself out of that enormous hole. However, my statements about his defense are true, he's a horrible firstbaseman in that sense. If he starts producing again with the bat, that will outweigh his shortcomings defensively though.

Most power hitting first basement aren't good fielders. He has 1 job to do...hit ball over fence. Anything else he does beyond that is icing on the cake. That being said, he does make quite a few good defensive plays. How many times has he dug the ball out of th dirt to complete a DP? Very often.

Howard digs it out "Very often"? Nice analysis there. He's bad at first but I agree that the Phils don't really mind bad D if he can start bringing his bat to the game.

Hey GM, my husband would totally agree with your points! Everytime Howard makes any mistake he yells out " 10 MILLION F'IN' DOLLARS!!!!" We argue a lot about this.

You have the best captions for your articles. ha ha. On a positive note, Jimmy Rollins is cute dispite the gap between his teeth. Ofcourse this will not help the phils win ball games, but you might be able to get your girlfriend interested in watching with you..;)

My wife watches with me because I was other trash tv shows with her during the baseball offseason. Marriage is all about compromise :)

the ladies all love hamels and utley. believe me. i hear my gf go on about it all the time.

You forgot Burrell and Dobbs

If only Brett Myers could pitch to Ryan Howard. He'd be doing AMAZING!

Which one, Howard or Myers?

Although Howard has been on a huge slump with right around 58 strike outs, he has been showing improvements...extra base hits in each of the last 4 games if you include last nights HR. But Myers is an absolute disgrace. He's fat and out of shape, and it seems to me that his attitude is "I'll get it together eventually." That's not good enough! He spent all off season scarfing down ho-ho's and ding-dong's and now we're paying the price. He has no velocity what-so-ever and throws nothing but meatballs that get launched on a regular basis. He stinks and he should be traded. For someone who is supposed to be one of the leaders of this club, he's doing an awful job when it's his turn to contribute and he struts around like he's entitled to his spot in the rotation. Hey Fat Brett, get on the conditioning, get in pitching shape and stop beating your wife you fat slob!!!

Why the hell did two of my comments get thumbs down? I didn't say anything wrong nor rude. Yardbarker is great, but far too many people are too liberal with the "thumbs down".

don't worry. I embrace the thumbs down. It is refreshing. ha ha.

I'll give you a thumbs up for all the great articles you do. Great job!

1- Brett Myers allowed 4 earned runs in 4.1 IP and 6 total runs due to Ryan Howard's error. 2- Howard had an error, but also tallied a HR and was 1-4, which is comparable to his season last year where he batted .268 with 47 HRs and 136 RBIs. I'm not going to disagree with you that Howard is overrated, but why pick this game to exploit him when he has far worse games? Also, Myers pitched horrendously last night (I agree), and he is not our ace pitcher, although he is listed as #1. Cole is our ace, and Myers is our second (though he would be a #3 on almost any other team). To end it, I was proud of the Phillies last night (despite Myers' pitching) when they came back from an 8-0 deficit to bring the game within striking distance (Victorino's last out was the winning run).

The boxscore reads Myers 8 runs, 6 earned. Just because Madson came in and allowed the runners (Myers' runners) on base to score doesn't mean he isn't credited for them.

Who can forget victorino though, he's not a HR hitter and he's trying to win the game with a home run where a simple base hit would tie it.

OR

atleast get on base SOME HOW, and let Utley and Howard do thier thing.

Victorino went something like 0-5 and couldnt deviler the clutch hit to tie the game.

Him and Myers sucked last night.

and myers is a straight up BUM!

Carson u have to post more articles, absolutely hilarious, too bad its just philly topics......would love to hear yer take on the Los Angeles sports scene

Thanks for the compliment. I love writing, especially humorerous stuff. My passion is for the Phils though...

I usually want to vomit at the amount of Philadelphia stuff on YB but I read your articles constantly. It provides a legit-view on the Phillies rather than the usual blind bullshit that gets spewed out.

Touche sir. Touche.

I'm with you Soxaddict. It's good to read his articles. I just got through commenting on 102 Donovan McNabb articles. The Phillies are the one team that I admire from the city of brotherly love.

Glad to know others enjoy my stuff. Thanks!

Someone kick Brett Myers in the balls.

The guy has a bidet in his bathroom...I don't think he has any balls to kick.

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