Don’t cry for me Argentina! I am a total asshole! I killed lots of people, and was a Fascist…then I had a musical starring Madonna…

Juan Peron was one confused little dictator, who never could figure out on what side of the ideological spectrum he belonged. Was he a fascist, a commie, a populist, a liberal, a conservative, and elitist? Yes, he was all of these and more. He was also brutally repressive, making his enemies disappear in the night with little warning. Along with his two famous wives Evita (*****) and Isabel (psycho) he left his mark on Argentina forever.

Peron started out in the military, (surprise) and as a young man he was sent by the Argentine army to be a military observer to Germany, Spain, and Italy during the rise of Fascism. Unlike a sane person, Peron liked what he saw and had a total bromance with Benito Mussolini who he adored with all the fervor of a 12 year old girl looking at a Jonas Brothers poster. Upon returning to Argentina he helped out in the Argentine tradition called the coup d’etango when he helped military chief General Rawson take power.

While he was second in command he met a mediocre actress and professional gold digging slut, Eva Duarte. She saw that Peron was a man with ambition and, as she had so many times before, she used her feminine wiles (vagina) to lure her way into Peron’s heart. Do not let Andrew Lloyd Webber fool you, Eva Peron was a brutally cunning woman and social climber who cared a hell of a lot more about her diamonds and fur coats then about the common Argentine worker.

In 1945 Peron saw his chance, and ran for election as a populist candidate and set out on a massive campaign to get Argentina’s large working class on his side. He befriended the unions and promised massive agrarian reforms, wage increases, and improved working standards. He stood up to the powerful elites that had long held power in Argentina and made many enemies among the conservatives. Sounds kinda left-wing for a fascist, eh?

He was elected and set about nationalizing many of Argentina’s industries including the banks and the railroads (just like Benito!) Then, it seems, money started disappearing. The Perons were living large, while the workers that had been promised so much, didn’t see much of that money. Though conditions did improve for workers in Argentina, they were still not being given a fair shake by any means. Peron stole millions that he stashed away in Swiss bank accounts, (the dictator retirement plan), knowing that one day he might have to flee the country.

Where did all this money come from? Well, besides the millions he stole in “charitable” donations from the poor of Argentina, and the vast sums that came in from nationalizing the industries, there were the millions paid to him in blood money by Nazi war criminals seeking asylum in Argentina. Peron’s Argentina was the number one travel destination for Nazis, and they paid handsomely for Peron’s hospitality. Peron was a massive Anti-Semite and racist, and he saw these guys as heroes. Many Jewish rights organizations are still lobbying for millions of dollars of Nazi gold, (some of it in Peron’s vaults), to be paid to Holocaust survivors.

In 1952, Evita died of cervical cancer, [Ed: Which we now know is an STD. We're just saying.], and Peron rode the sympathy vote into a second term. This lasted about a week before the people again got fed up with him. Peron unleashed violent reprisals on both the left and the right to anyone who dared question him. People weren’t singing “Don’t Cry For Me” as they ran from his tanks and death squads, because Peron wasn’t about to cry for anyone. In 1955 a coup, ironically, overthrew Peron and he fled to the waiting arms of his buddy and fellow fascist asshole, Francisco Franco.

This would be the end of our story, but old Juan wasn’t done yet. In the years he was gone from power, a series of inept governments, run by Argentina’s elite, led to a steady decline in the country’s fortunes. People, as people are apt to do, began to yearn for the days of Peronista rule. Hey, he made the trains run on time, didn’t he?

So in 1973, Peron returned from exile with new wife Isabel Peron. It didn’t take long for pay back to begin, as he unleashed a series of death squads to hunt down and kill all his opponents. This was the begining of Argentina’s “Dirty War” that would claim the lives of 30, 000 Argentines, known as “Los Desaparecidos.” Nine months after taking office, Juan died and left his wife Isabel as president. Isabel was a crazy psycho who revved up the death squads and began the so called “Annhilation Decrees” that called for the massacre of thousands of leftist opponents. This was continued by her successor Jorge Videla.

Peron was a modern dictator, with a command of spin, who manipulated the people into believing he stood for the same things they stood for, even if that meant contradicting himself to different groups. If it all sounds confusing, it is even more confusing that many in Argentina still love this son of a bitch. It is confusing that that chancre sore on American musical theater, Andrew Lloyd Webber, would have such success with a musical about a couple of Latin American thieves and gangster-dictators. 35 years after his death we still don’t know who Juan Peron is…other than an asshole.

Original Story: http://anyguey.guanabee.com/2009/07/g...