Originally posted on The Belly of the Beast  |  Last updated 1/7/13
Today is a day full of bittersweetness, as though the national championship game will be played, Alabama or Notre Dame will add another national title to their list of feats of strength.  Also, college football ends, which will be horrible because, holy crap, have you seen a college basketball game this year, and, OH SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP, baseball is like two months from starting. Anyway, it's been over a month, or 1/22nd of a baseball season, since both of these teams played, and there has been much dissection of this game.  Usually, these dissections feature actual stats related to the performance of each team, as well as standard blowhard rhetoric "I THINK THEY'RE REALLY MOTIVATED AND OH MAN THE FOCUS HAS BEEN GREAT." If you're looking for one of those, you shall not find it here.  No, I'm going more for stuff that's not vomiting out A PAIR OF GREAT DEFENSES HERE, BOB. I've identified five factors which could have no effect on tonight's game or ALL THE EFFECT.  And based on the team who dominates more of these categories, we'll have our national champion.  To the tape we go. Number of Claimed National Championships Alabama:  237 Notre Dame:  11 Credit the Crimson Tide for saying, "As long as we're claiming ******** titles, let's REALLY claim some titles."  It's a poor display of forward-thinking by Notre Dame, which might help explain why in the last 20 years their last two bowl wins came in the Sun Bowl and Hawaii Bowl. ADVANTAGE:  Alabama   Number of Jimmy Clausens to Play Football Alabama:  0 Notre Dame: ADVANTAGE:  Alabama   Number of Snake Stablers to Play Football Alabama: Notre Dame:  0 ADVANTAGE:  Alabama   Career Numbers for School's Most Famous Movie Players Alabama:  Based on the two kickoffs we saw in the movie, Forrest Gump returned every kickoff for a touchdown, which means he probably ran every kickoff back for a touchdown because that would be the only way you could become an All-American if you just returned kicks (unless you play for Michigan and run a punt back against Ohio State).  So no doubt Forrest had a bunch of touchdowns. Notre Dame:  Rudy played in the last few seconds of a blowout win against Georgia Tech and, based on Georgia Tech football, what D-I player hasn't?  To his credit, he did record a sack as a result of not getting blocked, which is more than some people with scholarships are able to do.  However, a more believable scenario would have been if he intercepted a Reggie Ball pass. ADVANTAGE:  Alabama   Former Head Coaches with Impediments Unrelated to Speech Alabama: Notre Dame: ADVANTAGE:  Alabama In dominating fashion, Alabama rules the tale of the tape with an impressive 5-0 score.  After adjusting that score for a game of football, I've got Alabama winning 126-0 because RTR, Y'ALL.  RTR SO HARD.
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