Allen Iverson never puts himself before his team

Just so we're clear on this, I hate the NBA. Love the college hoop, hate the NBA. It doesn't even exist to me for the most part. I can describe in great detail what Brandon Roy did with Washington, but right now, as far as I know, he's selling insurance for his dad's business in Tacoma.

One name I do know is Allen Iverson. He's the epitome of team sports. A guy who cares about nothing but winning and is handling his diminished skills and advancing age like a true champion. Or, as you might've guessed, the opposite of that.

He's not happy with coming off the bench for the Memphis Grizzlies. He left the team and is considering retirement, which would give him more free time for getting tattoos and not talking about practice.

"Yo, dawg, get me in there, playah," Iverson told his coach. "I'm an all-time great, cuz. Quit trippin' and give my minutes or I be steppin' into the sunset, yo."

OK. He never said that. But that's how I imagine he'd say it, because I get all my information about how black people talk from BET and racist white comedians. I think the word "sunset" is out of my place in my fictional dialogue, but that's why I'm not an elite writer like Tyler Perry, who will be starring in Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry Show starring Tyler Perry on the Tyler Perry Channel next year.

Seriously. If Tyler Perry walked up to you on the street and asked for directions, would you know who he is? Why must his name be in front of all his unfunny movies? Do you think other directors are pissed about this? Imagine. It could've been "Martin Scorsese's The Godfather" or "David Frankel's Marley & Me." "Want to come over and watch George Lucas' Star Wars?"

Sorry. Got a little lost there. The point is I don't know a lot of black people and Allen Iverson sucks. THE END!