Of course it has been a long time since our last installment in the “Baseball Cap Bank Robbers” series. To be honest, the robbers were getting too boring. Way too many Yankees and Raiders hats. For some reason today seemed like a great day to see what was up with the unemployed jerkoffs. We’re into this series for obvious reasons. What makes a robber go with a certain hat during a robbery? Why one team over the other? Today it’s the Richmond Flying Squirrels baseball hat.
The Progress-Index newspaper in Virginia files this police report:
Police are seeking the public’s help in tracking down a man who robbed a SunTrust bank branch Tuesday morning.
The Chesterfield County Police Department said a man approached a teller in the bank at 12551 Jefferson Davis Highway just before 11 a.m. The man gave the teller a note demanding money and fled on foot with an undisclosed amount of cash.
Police said the man is a white male, mid to late 20s, about six feet tall with a stocky build. He was wearing a green hooded sweatshirt, blue jeans and a red baseball cap with the Richmond Flying Squirrels team logo.
BOOM! The last line. FOCUS!
One of you knows this jerkoff. The hat looks brand new. Stiff cap. FOCUS! Stocky build. In his 20s. Chesterfield County. Probably plays online poker. Plays beer pong with the boys. Eats McDonald’s like a crack fiend destroying a glass pipe. FOCUS!
This should be one of the easiest cases to crack in Chesterfield County history. He lives in the area. Was on foot. Will be at a bar watching the A.L.D.S. Probably has a sports gambling problem. Owes his bookie $3,000. Freaked when bookie asked him how bad he wants to lose a foot.
If you are scared to turn in your bro, but still want to earn some reward money, you are asked to contact us. We’ll go to police. It’s still our dream to get the cash reward from one of these Baseball Cap Bank Robbers.
[Richmond Flying Squirrels Logos - Google Image Search]
Filed under: Baseball