Blood isn't on the hands of BCS, but it's in the bowl

Let's say every time I take a dump, it's a pain-free and joyous excretion of fecal matter. It lasts no more than five minutes and involves minimal wiping. However, every time I inspect my poop before flushing, I notice copious amounts of blood in the bowl.

Should I maybe get some help for my bloody stool, or should I just continue crapping the way I have been all this time since there's no problems yet?

That's college football these days. It's fine. It's not in trouble. But on the giant turd that is the BCS is enough blood that should make you think you need to contact a doctor.

The obvious blood in the BCS bowl stool is the bloody center of the poop that is the (Fake) national championship game between Alabama and Texas. When you think about it, just about every national title game ever played has been a fake one -- even if it's between the only two unbeatens in the country -- but with Cincinnati, Boise State and TCU also perfect, it's tough to ignore all that red in the toilet.

Fine. Whatever. Much like Dane Cook, the BCS is terrible but it's not going away anytime soon. It doesn't mean we can't take some Pepto or get our colons checked so we can at least minimize the blood in the stool of the other bowl games, right?

Well the turd is now 85 percent O-positive at this point with TCU and Boise State, the poster children for why we need a playoff and why the BCS is a joke worse than anything Jay Leno could tell, PLAYING EACH OTHER! Are you kidding? It was decided that Florida-Cincinnati and TCU-Boise were the better options? Why?

The Fiesta also had the option of inviting undefeated Cincinnati, which instead is headed to the Allstate Sugar. But John Junker, the Fiesta's president and CEO, said the TCU-Boise matchup put the game within easier traveling reach of the schools' fans.

We hear this all the time, but do you ever stop to think about the absurdity of it? The No. 1 consideration of bowls is how well does your school travel? It's not about providing the best and most interesting matchup, but how far some guy who lives in Idaho is willing to fly to see his team.

So instead of the intriguing "BCS vs. non-BCS" school matchup, we get to listen to these schools trying to convince us they're playing for their own (Fake) national championship. And by the way, these two teams played last year in a bowl, so really, thanks for the diversity.

I have a request for ESPN and ABC. Since you've partnered with Dave Matthews and play his music coming out of and going into commercials, I kindly request for you to play Dave's "Don't Drink the Water."

You can just hear Sean McDonough taking us to a commercial break. "Six minutes to go, first quarter, and it's 7-all..."

"There's blood in the water...don't drink the water...."