Originally written on The Sports Post  |  Last updated 6/16/13
Believe it or not, Chad Ochocinco is in trouble again. (Photo credit) If you're looking here for a dump on Tim Tebow, keep looking. Juice This refuses to participate in the bashing that the untalented, inaccurate, Bible-thumping, religious zealot virgin will experience as he battles for a job at quarterback - with the immortal Ryan Mallett. Tebow, despite his public stance, is quietly telling friends he's ticked (God won't let him say "pissed") about the move to New England because, as SNL has foretold, if Jesus is the son of God, Tom Brady is his nephew (just ask Gisele). Also, he was close to getting laid in New Jersey (who isn't?), but now has to pull up (not out) roots. But a lot less on Tebow to come (not Tebow, the column). Charles Woodson, who has pleasant memories of New England himself (tuck this!), is back out in Oakland convincing people that he's glad to have returned and is ready to contribute. First things first: he can't wait to see Al Davis again. From the NFL Role Model Department, Chad (OnoCinco) Johnson is back in jail, filming a sequel to "The Longest Yard." Terrell Owens refused a cameo unless the Ravens sign him. OK, the Dolphins. OK, the Jets, but only if Greg McElroy quarterbacks. Welcome to Juice This for week 2 of June. *** TEBOW THIS Tim Tebow may be in New England now, but New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is pissed. There goes his training partner. Christie was certain he'd have made the Jets roster as the offensive lineman who could've reinflated Tebow's career. Yes, as a football player! Now, the chubby political poster child is wondering if his gastric-band procedure was worth it. Apparently, with the tabloids and paparazzi on his heels, he's considering coming out of the closet about the true nature of his relationship with Tebow. Yes, he was going to ask him for a commitment. As his running mate. In Denver, Wes Welker is refusing to answer questions about the Tebow signing, but is known to be telling friends, "God would've put that ball over my right shoulder." *** PROBATE THIS Chad Johnson has violated his probation and is back behind bars, but with good reason. He's trying to prove he's still "badder" than anyone in Miami, including convicted Hurricane booster, the pride of Brooklyn, Nevin Shapiro. With Tebow's signing in New England, it also means the end of Johnson's planned "TebOchocinco" social media network, so don't get your popcorn ready. *** CARIMI OF THE CROP The Chicago Bears sent offensive lineman Gabe Carimi to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for a sixth-round draft pick. The Bears selected him with a first-round pick, which automatically makes Carimi a State Farm Insurance spokesperson: the Bucs got him for a discount double-check. Speaking of which, QB Josh Freeman has his agent discount double-checking his contract for an opt-out clause, considering the number of sacks Carimi gave up last year. Josh, just call Jay Cutler. But he only talks on Wednesdays. *** LONDON CALLING NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is touting London as an ongoing site for regular-season games and perhaps even a franchise. He's also saying that the Redskins' name stands as a pillar of the community, a source of pride in D.C. and represents everything for which the NFL stands. To which Jenn Sterger tweeted, "So that's what N-F-L stands for?" And Brett Favre saw that and tweeted, "Uh huh!" So the dead crow on Johnny Depp's head then tweeted that Goodell's remarks "are un-caw-ed for." Meanwhile, Tebow, still trending, tweeted, "Who's Jenn Sterger?" To which she replied directly, "Call me, Tim, about splitting $2 million." And so Favre chimed in, "Ho Ho Ho." To which, Tebow, from an undisclosed location reportedly near Sterger's house, replied, "Ho Ho Holeeeee Sh*t - I love you!" To which Gisele tweeted, "It feels even better over the other shoulder." *** SOLE SISTER HBO's "Real Sports With Bryant Gumble" announced the signing of CNN's Soledad O'Brien as a correspondent. Jenn Sterger is saying she would've done it for a discount double-check. Favre confirmed that. By: Howard Schlossberg Twitter: @HSchlossberg
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