New Rule: Only Talk To Paul In 'Proper' Venue

From the inimitable Paul Sullivan mailbag - and this one is a doozy: Q. I was at Wrigley with my daughter for second and third games of the Nats series. So I got to see Bradley engage in what Lou Piniella calls "Muppet talk" after his big homer. Then the next day before the game I caught you on the field and asked you about the meaning of "Muppet talk." You told me, "Hey, I don't interpret it. I just report it." Come on, Paul. You are there every day for free. I can only afford the $500 once a year. Plus, you are smarter than your faux humility suggests. I, and all the other fans who can't get out to the unfriendly confines, want to know. How should we understand "Muppet talk"? Bob Sigler, Omaha Answer: Sorry, but I generally don't do a live version of "Ask Paul" at Wrigley, which is why I probably blew you off. Now that you've asked in the proper venue, I can tell you it all depends on which Muppet Milton is impersonating. If it's Oscar the Grouch, it can mean one thing. If it's Kermit, it can be something completely different. Remember that Lou Piniella was the one who christened it Muppet talk, not Milton. I prefer to think of it as his Garfield Goose impression, but that may be dating me. So, let's get this straight: Paul Sullivan believes that the great unwashed are only allowed to interact with him "in the proper venue"? Got it. Paul can not, will not and shall not deign to interact with mere mortals while he is conducting his very, very, very important job of being the creepy guy hanging around the Cubs and then going back to write poorly construced, bitchy stories about them. In fact, here are the jobs where you should not interrupt people while they are working, for obvious reasons: 1. Brain surgeon 2. Heart surgeon 3. Cubs beat reporter 4. Pilot (takeoff and landing only) 5. Bus driver 6. Porn star That's pretty much it.