Nuts in a Bunch

By now, you've probably all heard about poor Chicago Cubs outfielder Felix Pie (pee-AY), and his battle with a twisted testicle.  Nope, we're not talking about an evil family jewel.  We're talking about a gonad resembling a Twizzler.  And yes, this is a recognized malady, officially known as testicular torsion. And furthermore, it did require what Cubs spokespeople called a "minor corrective surgery."  120 is happy to report that Pie is recovering well, and should be back in the Cubs' lineup next week, although he's probably getting tired of people opening their peeAY-holes about it.Our Take:  Minor surgery?  On a nut???  First of all, anything involving something as sharp as a scalpel being in close proximity to the jewel pouch is far from minor.  Especially if the condition, if untreated, can cause chronic **** n' balls pain, gangrene (of the dick!!!!???), and vanishing testis (holy ****!!!), not to mention a lifetime of ignominy in the form of ta...