I’d imagine Chloe would probably make a decent linebacker
You see the picture above? I couldn’t put together a better physical embodiment of your service if I had traded a couple of 8-balls to Lamar Odom for his wife and sister-in-law (and whoever that 3rd wheel hiding behind the over-sized aviators is) and took that photo myself. The only thing that would make it more perfect is if I scrambled the image. I feel compelled to write this letter because much like Lamar’s detox symptoms, your television service is a headache that I just can’t get rid of.
I mean that. I can’t get rid of you. You’re the only option in my apartment building, and if I were to decline your service I’d be without television like some sort of hipster living on the 5th floor of a Brooklyn walk-up who prefers to spend his money on skinny jeans and decorative scarves than your ****** service. With the extra $20 a month for an HD DVR and additional $20.99 I pay just so I can watch AMC’s Breaking