Originally posted on Deuce of Davenport  |  Last updated 2/5/13
Nigeria celebrating news of free hooker sex Andray Blatche needs to get to the nearest computer and hop on Ancestry.com to check his… Uh, he’s already on Pornhub. When he’s finished, he should see if he has any ancestors from Nigeria. If he does, he might want to look into Nigerian citizenship. Nigeria may be plagued with corruption, a north-south divide and beef between Christians and Muslims but everyone including prostitutes can get behind…err, in front of their soccer team. [The Association of Nigerian Prostitutes], in a statement issued through its national secretary, Jessica Elvis, urged the national team to make the country proud by moving on to the finals and returning with the trophy. “We want to congratulate the Nigerian national team, the Super Eagles, for qualifying for the next round of the competition. We want to assure them of our usual support and partnership, we want them to bring back our lost glory in football. Jessica, speaking further, added that the association would declare one week of free sex if the Eagles win the trophy. “To show our support for the national team, we’ll be declaring one week free sex if the Super Eagles can win the trophy,” she added. Investigation revealed some members of the association are in South Africa ‘supporting’ the national team. There’s an Association of Nigerian Prostitutes? Is it registered with the state? Hookers are all about profit but is it registered as a non-profit like the church or is it a union? They’re so organized that they have a national secretary? I would be interested in seeing their organizational chart. I assume they have elections. What are the different platforms? Do they control territory and pricing? What’s their dispute resolution process? I assume they have an annual awards event. Is it like the AVN Awards or more like the White House Correspondents Dinner or Kennedy Center Honors? How exactly are they “supporting” the national team in South Africa? One would think the players would stay away from sex knowing how superstitious they are when it comes to sporting events. A team’s juju can be thrown off by the wrong sign or a case of the clap. Perhaps they’re sleeping with players of opposing teams, giving them random STDs and stealing their mojo. Is the free sex offer for players and coaches or is it come one come all? (See what I did there? All day.) If everyone is eligible to cash in, will they have to call in reinforcements or call up more hoes from the prostitute version of the minors? Do they recruit former prostitutes like Jesse “The Body” Ventura getting called back into service in The Running Man? So many questions.
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