Originally posted on Extra Pine Tar  |  Last updated 6/7/12

Enough Rick Reilly! Enough! Just ******* stop it! Why do you incessantly torture us, day in and day out, with your stupid columns based around life lessons that nobody wants to take from a balding creep with a sportswriting background. Shut. Up.

Reilly wrote on Tuesday or Wednesday – it doesn’t really matter – about LeBron James being unable to do anything right because of the expectations that surround him. Then he made some stupid comparison to saving a baby from a fire – which didn’t hold up at all – and went on to provide the commentary we’ve come to expect from perhaps the most loathsome human being to ever involve himself with the ESPN community (yes, I’m including Keith Olbermann).

I don’t know how Rick finds the time to write anything about LeBron when he has to spend most of his days informing the world about the constant battle between good and evil on the golf course. Apparently, rooting for Tiger Woods is akin to rooting for Hitler, while rooting for Phil Mickelson is like seeing the face of God.

“Do you want to root for hte guy who ruined is marriage? Or the guy who stuck by his?”  “Do you want to root for the guy who acts like a child on the course, or the guy who’s childish grin makes us all smile?”

Hey Reilly – do you want to get a boot to your seeds, or do you just want me to slap you around a little  bit?

Not everything in sports has a tremendous life lesson. What the hell did I learn from watching the French Open yesterday? That I should be foreign if I want to be a threat in a Grand Slam? And what about all the lives you ruin, Reilly, when you write about some poor high school coach who is just doing his job. It seems like every four days you write about how some guy should be burning in hell because he let his team win a game 101-3 instead of taking it easy. You know what probably happens after that? Their lives are probably turned upside down, because some hack like you decided to start a crusade against them even though it’s likely you’ve never even stepped foot in their home town.

Oh, and if I hear one more of your self-serving spoken-word essays on ESPN I’m going to drive my car to Bristol and ram it through the side of the cafeteria.

What a loser you are, Rick. Your columns suck, your commentary sucks, your Sportscenter appearances suck, your “video essays” suck, you’re a rat and I hope you burn in hell. Suck eggs, buddy.

 

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