The Earl of Barron Informs His Sister of Bad News

Earl Barron played for the Suns. Then they traded for better players and cut him. So he had to write to his sister. Here’s an excerpt of his correspondence. Verily, you have heard the news by now by way of Mr. Morse’s code– the moneylender Mr. Sarver has released me from my contract with the Suns of Phoenix in order to clear the way for a foreigner called “Marcin Gortat” and one Vincent Carter, rumored to be a half-man, half-monster figure on the order of the protagonist in R.L. Stevenson’s masterly Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. (I hope you have had a chance to read this volume in your studies. Do not waver — Mistress Haversham is a stern but learned woman.) Gortat is to pair with Don Robin Lopez(notes) to create what they tell me is a most imposing duo. I fear the writing was on the wall as to my dismissal. Mr. Gortat and Mr. Carter were acquired only by letting go of my good friend the Earl Clark(notes), another nobleman of strong stock...