The Erin Andrews Chin Incident: A Reconstruction

What really happened on that fateful night when America's Sideline Princess was viciously attacked by flying baseballs? Just how bad were her injuries? Where was the ball boy/girl for protection? Why is there no video evidence? What are they hiding?! It's a mystery wrapped inside a riddle wrapped inside a hot dog bun. ALLEGEDLY, Andrews was covering the game for ESPN when a foul ball off the bat of Alex Cora struck the unsuspecting reporter on the chin. Despite the fact that Andrews works in television and our entire society is a hyper-surveilled police state, no film clips have yet to emerge of the incident. Not even grainy cellphone footage from the third deck of Citi Field. Pretty suspicious, wouldn't you say? Lacking sufficient visual evidence, we've been forced to re-create what happened that night in symbolic form using eyewitness accounts, primary historical anecdotes, and CIA-classified topography maps to "imagineer" the chain of events that led to ...