Love Is Complicated

People claim to be "lovers" of all kinds of things; Sports, alcohol, children, collectibles of all sorts. Even animals. Well, if Tripp Isenhour is to believed, his intentional braining of a migratory hawk with a golf ball was out of love. He is, after all, a self-proclaimed animal lover. Todd and I would like to take this opportunity to address the wife and girlfriend, kindly refrain from using love as a motivator the next time the urge to emasculate us with a prison shank arises.

In one of our drunken brainstorming sessions, we at 120 decided that perpetual failure would be one of our calling cards. So we figured, what better way to do that than join a fantasy baseball league!? The conversation went something like this.

Todd: Hey, my father in law is running a fantasy baseball league. Do you want to play?
Torsten: Hell yeah! That will be fun.
Todd: You probably have to help me a little. Baseball isn't really my forte. Aside from LaDanian Thomlinson being the top pick, I don't know much.
Torsten: Moron. L.T. first? That's BASKETBALL!

Anyway, ought to be fun. Todd and I will each be piloting our own team to effectively double our chances at miserable failure. The live draft is about three weeks from now and, as of this moment, we plan to document it here on 120 with a semi-live diary.

Back to business, we at 120 like to brag when we're right, especially since it doesn't happen all that often. But I think sufficient time as passed to respond to an email from Alex the Clipper Fan. It read something like, "Dude, the Lakers suck. Now that the Suns have Shaq, they're gonna make the Lakers their bitches!"

Sadly, no amount of me telling Alex that Shaq was a fat, over-the-hill, lazy, also ran at this point in his career would convince him. Well, Alex, maybe the fact that the Suns are 3-5 since the Big Douchebag's acquisition, and have plummeted from the top spot in the West to 6th place will remove your Laker-hatred blinders. Now, the Suns still have a good chance of making the playoffs, but the Western Conference is stacked. But if they don't, going from tops in the conference to missing the post-season all together would have to rank among the greatest collapses in recent memory, especially considering they will have done it to themselves.

All-Universe guard Steve Nash still thinks the Suns will be fine. He says the team still needs to "amalgamate" Shaq into their style of play. Amalgamate? On second thought, let us tell you what he really meant. I can't believe we traded one of the best players in the league for this fat slob. The Lakers get Gasol for a couple of picks, a pack of smokes, and a white-trash Barbie doll but we give up Marion for the Big Amalgamator. What...the...@#$%. But I guess, that as the leader of this team, I can't let him know how we really feel, especially since he could crush me between his thumb and forefinger. So I'll just use big words like "amalgamate."

Amalgamate? Well, if we don't know what the hell that means, there ain't no way that a guy who thought the Parthenon was a nightclub will have any idea either. Thanks for amalgamating 120proof into your day. We'll amalgamate you again soon. In the meantime, we're off to amalgamate some alcohol into our diets.