Ask, and Z shall receive?

Zambrano wants to stay with the Cubs, and the Tribsters should make it their final act to sign him. Just keep him away from batted balls.

Snarl for snarl, snort for snort, a confrontation between Barry Bonds and Carlos Zambrano would have been macho-blood theater Wednesday. Instead, we were left to watch Big Z pick at his nose, right there in the Cubs' dugout, in what surely will receive as much Internet commentary as Cesar Izturis' peculiar goosing of Aramis Ramirez after a recent walk-off homer.

Of course, with Bail Bonds again pulling a Ferris Bueller because of old age and acute Aaronophobia, what else did Zambrano have to do in the fifth inning? The man has been blurry-dominant since the trade of his old sparring partner, Michael Barrett, which is a more accurate watershed moment in the Cubs' summer U-turn than the silly Lou Piniella tirade. His services weren't even required past the legal limit of a decision, with Zambrano allowing only two hits as the Cubs stormed to a nine-run lead and eventual 12-1 skunking of the woeful Giants.

This is the Wham Bam Thank You Zam that Cubdom adores. This is the ace/stud/stopper who gives his team a chance not only to topple the Brewers -- a rotation-challenged ballclub with no arm to match him -- but do some damage in a month that must be whispered around Wrigley Field (October, shhhh). In nine starts since his Nuts on Clark, two-round smackdown of Barrett, he has been baseball's surest thing, allowing two or fewer runs eight times. His latest win was his 12th, inching him toward Cy Young Award contention and his first 20-win season. He has been so brilliant, you wonder if he'd have won 30 if he'd punched out Barrett in Mesa. OK, so he said afterward that he didn't mind avoiding Bonds.

''Nobody likes to face Bonds. He's a good hitter -- look at the numbers,'' he said, smiling. ''No one wants to face Barry.''

Fact is, the Cubs are dealing with a double-edged sword when it comes to their automatic every-fifth-day victory. With each terrific performance, Zambrano adds a few more millions to his upcoming free-agent jackpot. And with the marketplace due to open in November, the Cubs are dangerously close to losing their 26-year-old workhorse to the Yankees, Mets, Red Sox or even White Sox, which could be remembered someday as the 21st-century version of letting Greg Maddux say Cy-onara. Not long ago, I deemed it risky to re-sign Zambrano for big money, citing his sore head and an educated guess that he'd soon join Kerry Wood and Mark Prior on the disabled list as heartbreak triplets. But it's clear now that Big Z -- if he'd just learn to stop bare-handing sharply hit balls up the middle -- is less an injury risk than he is a candidate to flee.

It's not that he doesn't want to stay. ''The reason I'm pitching like this is, I want to stay with the Cubs,'' said Zambrano, only days after estimating his chances of re-signing on the North Side at ''90 percent.'' The problem is that the franchise is in ownership limbo. And contrary to his optimism, Tribune Co. is as capable of blowing this issue as all the others it has botched the last 26 years.

When Zambrano pledges his confidence in a shaky situation, it's his way of bargaining in good faith and not disrupting a Cubs season that could be special. ''That's what I feel, man, that I will sign back with the Cubs,'' he said. ''Hopefully, all the things about the company selling and all that stuff will be resolved and I can be signed.'' But the Tribsters haven't responded to his plea, apparently not wanting to incur more debt for the next owner after spending more than $300 million last offseason. And while Zambrano publicly hopes the next owner -- he, too, endorses Mark Cuban -- will be in place and give him his extension before November, anyone who knows the slow pace of the Selig administration realizes the sale won't be sealed until 2008. If so, Zambrano will succumb to business realities and sign for his $100 million elsewhere.

It is the duty of the Tribsters, then, to respond in kind and give him his money now in their final act. This is the least they can do after perpetrating a baseball fraud since 1981. Do they really believe a prospective owner would withdraw a bid because they spent $80 million -- Big Z hints it would be enough -- to prevent a premier pitcher from fleeing? You wouldn't want an owner who thinks cheaply, anyway. Repeatedly, interim boss John McDonough and general manager Jim Hendry have said the resources are still intact as the trade deadline nears. But I have my great doubts. Remember, the Tribune isn't reaching deeply in its pockets for new catcher Jason Kendall. And did you catch what McDonough said when asked specifically about Zambrano and an extension?

''Well, there's just other elements involved,'' he said. ''We'll leave it at that.''

Well, comma. That pretty much sums up the Tribsters and their baseball run.

If Zambrano's season lacks one element, it's a defining moment. Imagine the mano-a-mano, power-vs.-power drama of a showdown with Bonds as the fans chant ''Barry sucks!'' and ''Cheater! Cheater!'' -- as they did during his lone at-bat Tuesday.

America's Villain seemed amused by the reception. ''They were bored until I came out there,'' Bonds said. ''I have a tendency to do that [to people]. The crowds -- that's what they're supposed to do. It's fun. Everybody gets pumped up for it. If I can bring that kind of excitement to a stadium, I've got to be doing something right.''

Not if you used steroids, you're not.

But Bonds took another day to rest his sore legs and swollen feet. As for Zambrano, his immediate concern is remembering to use his glove on shots back to the mound. The more he uses his hand, the more likely he'll break it, which would be so Cub.

''It's good. It's swelling a little bit, but it's going to be good,'' he said of the first-inning scare.

''You talk to him about it. It's hard to teach,'' Piniella said. ''He has to react.''

Eventually, common sense will force him to learn. Just hope Carlos Zambrano is in a Cubs uniform when he does. ''I'm praying that I can stay,'' he said.

But when the owners are playing God, prayer might not be enough.