LaTroy Hawkins ditches the warrior's number in favor of that fat prick's number

Since recently switching from Paul O'Neill's psychotically coveted number 21 to the slightly less popular Clemens' 22, relief pitcher LaTroy Hawkins has seen several improvements in his day-to-day life as a New York Yankee. 

Here's a list of some things that have already changed for the affable pitcher.

• Fans no longer throwing shit in his face
• Fans no longer throwing shit at his family
• Fans no longer throwing shit at people who know his family
• Fans no longer calling his apartment to tell him they can't wait to throw shit at him and his family
• Stadium security staff no longer filling his car with cement
• Jeter no longer taunting him during his wind-up
• Posada no longer telling the batter exactly what's coming
• Rivera no longer putting his cleats in Jello
• Entrance music no longer the theme from Crispy Critters cereal
• Bob Sheppard no longer introducing him as "that dick who stole Paul O'Neill's number"
• Paul O'Neill no longer standing by Hawkins' locker with his arms sternly folded, watching him dress

Comments

[Soy]

Unfortunately, he still sucks, and no amount of uniform changes will ever change that.

[Von Kaiser]

Is it somehow racist to say he looks like Marmaduke?

[Harvey]

Its not racist, but Marmaduke is gonna wanna kick your ass for saying it.

[zen wizard]

Clearly the answer is three-digit numbers.

Most New Yorkers can count to over one hundred, and the rest either have calculators or really smart kids to translate.