Interesting new features in Madden '08 that have gamers buzzing

Sports fans, gamers and athletes alike are buzzing over the recently released Madden '08.  The Sports Hernia takes a look at some of the interesting new features in this version of the popular video game.

-  If you choose the Lions in franchise mode, smarter CPU automatically folds franchise, ejects game, and gives you the finger.

-  Ability to run over T.O., Ray Lewis and any Bengal with the Madden Cruiser during timeouts.

-  Ultra realistic action features all of Fred Taylor's limbs flying off every 10 carries.

-  Ability to dress Belichick in any sweat-suit you like, including Juicy Couture.

-  Insecure QB Donovan McNabb is actually trailed by his own shadow throughout the game.

-  So realistic during Cardinal home games the crowd cheers the visiting team and wears their colors; ability to hear farts in stands as well.

-  Minutes after winning Super Bowl on All-Madden, new online feature automatically orders you a hooker, because lord knows you're not getting laid on your own.

-  Blowouts against the Eagles unlocks special "No DQ Battle Royal" game inside stadium drunk tank.

-  New "Chris Chandler mode" features a devastating injury on every play until teams run out of players.

-  Segway Human Transporter option available for Brad Johnson and Byron Leftwich.  Casket available for Mark Brunell.

-  When the Lions and Texans are selected to play each other, the game immediately defaults to Duck Hunt.

-  Hold down 'O' and triangle button after a Randy Moss TD and actually crap in the end zone.

-  Ed Hochuli FINALLY listed among available free agents.

-  Texans All-Time team features characters from Rampage, Gauntlet and Joust.

- New All-Time Bust team highlighted by players like Tony Mandarich, Andre Ware, David Klingler, Ryan Leaf, Rashaan Salaam, and Brian Bozworth (who incidentally plays in his "Stone Cold" outfit).

- Selecting the All-90's Browns team immediately defaults to Spy Hunter where Browns fans, driving the Mutt Cutts 'mobile, are in hot pursuit of Art Modell on I-80.

-  Hold down L1 and L2 with the Chiefs and Kyle Turley headslaps the entire defensive line, his own lineman, and then savagely devours Madden's food spread.

-  "Deion Sander vs. Ronnie Lott" mode pits celebratory, flamboyant pricks against guys that play with missing teeth and fingers.

-  New battle mode allows even the coordinators to fight, with Buddy Ryan and Kevin Gilbride constantly grappling in the background.

-  Score three consecutive touchdowns with Chad Johnson, and Ocho Cinco repels down from the cheap seats to the endzone, where the two perform a duet of "Me and My Shadow."

-  Go undefeated with the Chargers and unlock a secret world where you sit on Marty Schottenheimer's couch and watch him weep over old game tapes.

-  If you want to get Oakland crazy, a new cheat code during Raider home games allows use of an Uzi with unlimited bullets in QB's non-interception throwing hand.

Comments

[John Fitzgerald]

"Minutes after winning Super Bowl on All-Madden, new online feature automatically orders you a hooker, because lord knows you're not getting laid on your own."

HA!

[JJ]

good stuff....keep it comming

[Von Kaiser]

Awesome, the entire list is gold.

[Mookie]

When the ref penalizes you for excessive celebration, your player pulls out a gun and shoots the zebra dead. The replacement ref is hesitant throughout.

[JayBay]

Eli Manning actually does his "coach's son shrug" after each INT he throws. Right after he does it, a speeding renegade bulldozer runs him over.

[Marv]

Just audibly snorted at last comment

[THE JUICE]

SOME RANDOM HALFTIME SHOWS WILL INCLUDE THE SONG "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT" AS MIKE VICK GETS SHREDDED BY 35 PIT BULLS AT THE 50 YARD LINE...

[gerrard sir hornypants]

please let some renegade game developer see this list and make this poor old man's dream come true...