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Word out of Chicago that portrayed Lance Briggs as upset about his contract with the Bears came as something of a surprise. He just signed a $36 million contract, after all, and did so under his own free will and accord. Getting upset about that is like getting mad at yourself for making a liverwurst sandwich. Shoulda thought of it before but now you've gotta deal with it.

The reason for Briggs's unhappiness may not have anything to do with his market value as a linebacker, though. He's got a lot of mouths to feed and more are coming every day. Briggs's ex-girlfriend was in court yesterday trying to get more support for their daughter. Briggs wasn't there, he was in Arizona with the mother of another daughter, but a third woman, due this summer, was there even though Briggs once denied knowing who Yesenaya Toledo was.

But, Mirabelli charged, Briggs is providing Toledo with cash, and Mirabelli said he wants perjury charges to be considered against Briggs for denying he knows Toledo. Mirabelli said he mispronounced Toledo's first name during the deposition, leading Briggs to say he didn't know that person.

Clever ploy, Mr. Briggs, but actually impregnating the woman will always come back to bite you in the rear. Perhaps his rapidly expanding family helps explain why Briggs has only completed two of 120 hours of court-ordered community service. All that diaper changing doesn't leave much time to pick up trash on the side of the highway.