David Carr Presents the David Carr Theory

Hey Everyone!

It’s been a while since people out there have heard from me, David Duke Carr, but let me tell you that I’m still alive and kicking! Literally too, because I’ve been learning from the Gramatica brothers the fine art of kicking the ball through the uprights seeing that my career as a quarterback has been rocky. It’s always good to have a backup plan! Let me tell you, those boys sure are a cooky bunch, but they really know how to do an endzone celebration.

You’re probably wondering what I’m doing here on this fine blog considering I haven’t been relevant since 2004. Well, the TPIC has offered me 2 dollars and a coupon to El Pollo Loco in exchange for a post, so I decided to take it. I know a good offer when I see one. Besides, I need all that chicken in order to build up some strength when I lead the Giants to their second straight Super Bowl victory. Eli Manning? Pssht, that guy got lucky. Any quarterback can win the Super Bowl if they have receivers who can catch the ball with their helmet. Even me. Besides, we all know that Manning was just making the seat warm for my arrival into New York. Sure, we’re both number one picks, but I think I got the edge over Eli. Tom Coughlin will never resist my sexy charm.

Well anyway, I wasn’t paid my 2 dollars to talk about nothing. I actually wanted to get out the word that my alma mater, Fresno State, has reached the College World Series! How awesome is that? Who in a million years thought that the Bulldogs could pull it off?

Now, I try to be humble and all, but I really think that the Bulldogs owe there success to me. You see, before me, Fresno State was a barren wasteland in the world of sports. Hell, most people out of California couldn’t even tell you where Fresno is. Actually, most people in California wouldn’t be able to tell you where Fresno is (no the answer is not “near Sacramento”). Fresno was pretty much a trivia answer that only Ken Jennings could get right. But then one fine day in 1999, greatness arrived, and its name was David Carr.

I pretty much broke record after record there at my time in Fresno State. And with all that record breaking awesomeness came some recognition. Slowly, people began to notice this little town in Central California. And with that notice came the scholarships, the funding, the grants, and most importantly the ‘tang. Fresno State was on the map, and it was all thanks to me. I call it the David Carr Theory.

It is true that after I left, Fresno lost some of its glory and mystery that had circled it during the Carr era, but now, it’s back baby! I created the legacy, now Fresno State Baseball Team will continue it. Way to go Bulldogs you did it! I expect my royalties in the mail soon. I mean that’s how it works right? I created a legacy, so now I plan to get my earnings. That’s how record companies do it.