“Why not me?”
It was a question posed many years ago by The Judds in a mediocre 1980’s country song. I bring it up today in discussing the subject of “running diaries,” or, as some call them, “live journals” and “live blogs,” or, as others call them, “annoying.” Anyway, if the Sports Guy can do it, and the Deadspin guys can sort of do it, and our own writers can do it, I ask the rhetorical, somewhat redundant question: “Why not me?”
Now, since my boys, the Pittsburgh Steelers, are taking on the Ravens tonight on Monday Night Football in the second-most anticipated game of Week 9, I thought I’d give the running diary a whirl. I tried it once before with a hockey game, but I don’t think it worked because nobody watches hockey anymore. Hopefully this one will turn out better…
(NOTE: In honor of the Colorado Rockies appearance in the World Series, all times are shown in Mountain Standard Time - MST. Come on, when was the last time you heard about Mountain Standard Time???)
6:25 - Alright everyone, we’re coming to you live from Greensboro, North Carolina. If you like cities with weak nightlife, very little cultural identity or history, and sprawling, faceless suburbs on all sides, then this just might be the place for you! I’m joined by 18 Bud Lights, 1 ½ cans of Skoal, and my buddies J-Bug and House…okay, nevermind. I actually don’t have any friends with those names. I don’t have any friends at all, really. Except for my main man Paul Kingston, who has apparently been wandering around India for the past 18 months. He claims his job sent him there, but I think the real story is that he was an extra in Wes Anderson’s new movie, The Darjeeling Unlimited. Anyway, since I’m pretty sure no one knows what I’m talking about, I better get this going.
6:29 - Tonight marks the Steelers 75th Anniversary celebration. My boys are rocking some sweet throwback uni’s, which include yellow helmets. Also, the Steelers all-time team (chosen last week) was invited to the game – so Mean Joe Green, Jack Lambert, Franco Harris, and many other legends will be on the sideline tonight. Strangely, Tim Worley and Troy Edwards didn’t get invited.
6:31 - They just did a great montage of the ‘70s Steelers, calling them “the most celebrated dynasty in football history.” Hey – we are also the best. Don’t forget that.
6:36 - Wasn’t this game supposed to start at 8:30?
6:40 - Tonight’s game worries me a little bit, mainly because the Ravens absolutely destroyed the Steelers last year. Twice. Outscored them 53-7, sacked Roethlisberger 15 times, and ended their playoff hopes by nearly shutting them out at Heinz Field on Christmas Eve. And somehow, the Steelers are 9 ½ point favorites tonight. Meanwhile, the damn game still hasn’t started.
6:45 - Alright, finally some action. It’s pouring down rain tonight, so I’m thinking that we will be seeing a lot of Willie Parker and Willis McGahee. Since it rains approximately 239 days a year in Pittsburgh, there was actually a 1/3 chance that it wouldn’t rain. The Steelers first drive stalls at the 50.
6:50 - Steve McNair, the Steeler Killer, scares me every time we play him. He’s 11-4 in his career against the Black & Gold. However, he just nearly threw a pick – it fell incomplete because Ike Taylor dropped it. If they kept a stat for dropped INT’s, Taylor would clearly be on pace to break the all-time record.
6:55 - The Steelers promptly turn a McNair fumble into 7 points, as Roethlisberger escapes the pressure and fires a 21-yard scoring pass to Heath Miller, the most underrated tight end in the NFL. Don’t believe me? Check out his ’07 stats. And I’m not even giving you the link, either. That’s what you get for not believing me.
7:03 - The Steelers D just ran their signature play, called “Everyone blitz like hell and let’s kill the QB.” McNair fires one into the turf on third down under heavy pressure. I gotta say, Baltimore’s offense looks uglier than Nicolas Cage.
(Whoops, sorry… I just unconsciously slipped into Sports Guy Mode right there.)
7:10 - The announcing crew just made fun of referee Ed Hochuli. I think the Jaws-Tirico-Kornheiser team is pretty solid. I’m giving them a B+, just below Madden-Michaels, and waaaaay above the old Sunday night crew of Patrick, Theismann, and McGuire, who I would give a F-double-minus.
7:12 - Wow – Ed Reed just got jacked up by James Harrison so hard that he fumbled the ball about 10 yards straight up in the air. Big-time hit by Harrison, who is making everyone quickly forget about John Porter. Oh yeah, I mean Joey Porter.
7:17 - Roethlisberger to Santonio Homes – touchdown, Pittsburgh. This one might be over by halftime. And this running blog might be, too. On a related note, my fantasy team is now running up the score for this week. I’m about to win my third straight to get back to .500. And I might be the only player who stuck with Drew Brees through nine weeks.
7:22 - The first quarter mercifully ends for Baltimore. They have 19 total yards and three fumbles, the most recent courtesy of McGahee.
7:28 - Roethlisberg to Nate Washington – and it’s 21-0 good guys. Wow. Big Ben is now 6-of-8 for 81 yards and 3 TD’s in a driving rain storm. But he’s still not as good as Carson Palmer.
7:41 - Terry Bradshaw was just in the booth, and boy, he can really fake laugh with the best of them. The Ravens, meanwhile, narrowly avoid a safety and have to punt again after failing to convert a 3rd and 25, inducing Kornheiser to compare this to a high school homecoming game where the home team hand-picks the opponent they know they can crush. Good times all around.
7:49 - Roethlisberger to Holmes – do I need to say anything else? 28-0, Steelers. They certainly aren’t disappointing the anniversary team. My fantasy team, appropriately named “Steel Curtain,” is really piling it on now – I have Holmes and kicker Jeff Reed, who just recently replaced Philadelphia’s David Akers as the coolest kicker in the league.
7:55 - James Harrison, having the game of his life, just picked off McNair for the 4th Ravens turnover. Harrison now has 3 forced fumbles and a pick – in the first half! And Jack Lambert isn’t even impressed at all.
8:00 - Big Ben to Washington… touchdown. “The Pittsburgh Steelers are embarrassing the Baltimore Ravens.” - Mike Tirico. Roethlisberger now has 5 touchdowns, a career high, and the game is basically over. The kids can go to bed, and the disinterested readers can stop reading. I’m going for the long haul here. This could be an interesting second half – I’m predicting a semi-brawl where Ray Lewis challenges Jack Ham to a fight, and Ham has to be restrained from running out onto the field.
8:05 - Whoa… just as I was gushing, McGahee goes nearly untouched for a 33-yard run. I think the Steelers D might have already thought it was halftime. Although there is still 1:33 on the clock – could be too much time for this juggernaut that is the Steelers offense.
8:15 - … but it wasn’t meant to be. Pittsburgh, perhaps feeling bad that the all-time team hasn’t got to see much of new stud punter Daniel Sepulveda, punts it away. The half ends, fittingly, with a Baltimore penalty. Time for a break.
(Halftime Festivities)
8:32 - Okay, we’re back! In the words of the great Dr. Z, it’s time to tighten things up a bit, we’re running a little long. I’m only allotting myself 1,000 words for the 2nd half. Halftime highlights included a sublime presentation of the all-time team, where every player received a roaring standing ovation. Kornheiser compared it to old-timers day at Yankee Stadium. This is the part where I say I couldn’t be prouder to a Steelers fan.
8:43 - Not much action on the field, but Suzy Kolber just interviewed Mel Blount, the great Hall of Fame defensive back from the ‘70s dynasty. He is wearing a giant white cowboy hat, and he also called the Baltimore offense “pretty pathetic.” He did not, however, make any effort to kiss Kolber.
8:52 - The announcing crew continues their flattering assessment of the Steelers by praising new coach Mike Tomlin, who has really done an outstanding job so far. My favorite evaluation about coach Tomlin comes from my buddy Zach: “Look at him during those games. I swear he’s just listening to the radio through that headset.”
8:55 - Lookout. Big Ben just took a hit from Terrell Suggs and limped off the field very slowly. This could be disastrous. Charles Batch is now in the game, yet the Steelers are somehow on the Ravens 10-yard line.
9:00 - Reed kicks a field goal, elevating my fantasy team from “frisky nuisance” to “possible legitimate contender and dangerous low seed in the playoffs.” If the Brees-Colston combo continues to look like Montana-Rice, my team isn’t losing the rest of the way.
9:10 - The Ravens and Steelers just exchanged punts twice. Or maybe four times, I’m not sure. I think Tirico is getting bored, and frankly, so am I. And if anyone’s still reading, you probably are too.
9:23 - It’s the 4th quarter, both teams are still punting, Big Ben is back in the game for some reason, but nothing much else is happening. Seems like a good time to talk about that other big game, so allow me three thoughts on the Colts-Patriots game from yesterday…
1) I can’t understand why Randy Moss gets such a bad rap for being a “questionable character guy.” What has he done that’s so bad? He got arrested a couple times when he was young, he jogs sometimes on running plays, and he mooned the crowd in Lambeau. This is nothing compared to the antics of Terrell Owens, Pac-Man Jones, Leonard Little, and Michael Vick. And now that Moss has a decent quarterback on the other end of those passes, he’s proven again that he is the best receiver in the game.
2) Two years ago, in a game that I actually went to, the Colts were accused of artificially pumping in crowd noise for a Monday night game against the Steelers. Now there may be audio evidence that they are really doing this. I guess it’s not as bad as videotaping the other team’s signals, but it’s still cheating.
3) Tom Brady would not fumble on the 50-yard line with the game on the line. And that’s the difference between those two quarterbacks.
9:30 - Alright, even the players look like they’re ready to go home at this point. I’m going to wrap this up now, and I’m not even gonna mention that Willie Parker only has 42 yards on 23 carries and the Steelers still dominated. I will mention that Pittsburgh just won their 12th consecutive Monday Night game at home. And now I will give you an amazing statistic… on October 3, 2004, Rudi Johnson rushed for over 100 yards against the Steelers. Since then, only one person – Edgerrin James on Nov. 28, 2005 – has rushed for 100+ yards against the Steelers defense. That’s a span of 58 games in which only one running back has gained over 100 yards against us.
And on that note, I encourage everyone to mark their calendars now. The Steelers play at New England on December 4th. The Pats will probably be 12-0, and Pittsburgh – assuming they can beat Cleveland, Cincinnati, Miami, and the Jets – should be 10-2. And even if they aren’t, I’ll take my chances on the Black & Gold. Bring on the Patriots. |
