Wow. Just... wow. Normally, I'd write some kind of intro evaluating the Browns' overall performance, but today, all I feel like writing is one of our patented lists:

Top 10 Craziest Finishes in New Browns History

This list will attempt to rank the craziest finishes in New Browns history, regardless of whether the outcomes were good or bad. It's like the absolute value of crazy. I don't want to say that another franchise can't match this list in terms of total craziness, because my memory isn't that good and I don't follow any other teams that closely. But I would be shocked if another team can put up a top 10 from the last decade that is anywhere near as crazy as this one.

10. November 7, 2004 at Baltimore. With 30 seconds left in the game and the Browns trailing by 7, Jeff Garcia's 5-yard pass finds Aaron Shea in the endzone, only to have the ball bounce off Shea's hands due to a suspicious pass interference-like maneuver by Ray Lewis (there was no flag). Ed Reed grabs the deflection and runs it back 106 yards. Ravens win by 14.
9. September 17, 2000 vs. Pittsburgh. Trailing by 3 but well within field goal range, the Steelers' mad scramble to get a kick off before the final whistle takes one second too long, and the New Browns record their first ever home win. It is later revealed that the officials screwed up; the game clock should have been stopped for a certain period of time (because the Browns had recorded a sack on the previous play). Ohhhhh well!
8. September 29, 2002 at Pittsburgh. First the Browns have their would-be game winning field goal blocked in overtime. Then Alvin "Mount" McKinley blocks the Steelers' would-be game winner. But wait! An obscure rule allows the Steelers to keep possession (something about the ball being recovered by Pittsburgh behind the original line of scrimmage). The next attempt sails through, and the Steelers win.
7. September 22, 2002 at Tennessee. With three minutes to go, the Browns trail the Titans, 28-14. Two Tim Couch TD passes and one pooched onside kick later, they're headed to overtime. The Browns eventually win it on a Dawson field goal, 31-28.
6. December 8, 2002 at Jacksonville. Quincy Morgan catches an unbelievable 50-yard Hail Mary pass from Tim Couch with no time left on the clock, as the Browns win 21-20.
5. October 31, 1999 at New Orleans. Kevin Johnson catches an unbelievable 56-yard Hail Mary pass from Tim Couch with no time left on the clock, as the New Browns win for the first time ever, 21-16.
4. November 19, 2007 at Baltimore. You might remember this one as "The Game That Just Happened Yesterday."
3. December 16, 2001 vs. Jacksonville. Trailing by five with about a minute to go, Tim Couch hits Quincy Morgan for a first down deep in Jaguars territory. Characteristically, Morgan fumbles the catch, but recovers the ball himself. The Browns immediately spike the ball to prevent the possibility of a replay challenge. However, the official claims his replay buzzer had been pressed just prior to the snap. The play is declared an incomplete pass, causing thousands of beer bottles to miraculously rain down from the heavens. The officials rule the game over with 48 seconds still on the clock, only to have the commissioner demand the final kneel-down take place... about a half an hour later.
2. September 8, 2002 vs. Kansas City. The Browns, leading by 2, seem to sack Trent Green in Chiefs territory as time expires. Dwayne Rudd throws his helmet in celebration. But wait! Green wasn't sacked—the ball somehow ended up in lineman John Tait's hands. Thus, Rudd's celebration garners a penalty, which requires one more snap (the game can't end on a penalty). Because Tait somehow managed to rumble 28 yards into Browns territory, the final snap is an easy field goal for the Chiefs, who go on to win by 1. This game might actually have had the craziest finish in NFL history; that is, if it weren't for...
1. November 4, 2001 at Chicago. The Browns lead the Bears by 14 points with 32 seconds left to go, when Chicago scores a touchdown, then recovers an onside kick. On the last play of regulation, the Browns manage to tip Shane Matthews' 34-yard Hail Mary pass in the endzone, only to watch it sail into the hands of James Allen for a game-tying touchdown. In overtime, safety Mike Brown picks off a Tim Couch pass and runs it back for the Bears win. I don't believe we'll ever again see a team win after trailing by 14 with 32 seconds to go.

Well, there you have it. Now let's get to the regular items. Brohaim?

Play of the Week

Alex says: Phil Dawson's game-tying field goal as time expired was surely the wackiest play of the game and the highlight with the most staying power. But if it wasn't for Derek Anderson's desperation pass to Braylon Edwards with eleven seconds left, Dawson wouldn't have even taken the field. During the throw, Anderson was being pulled down from behind by Antwan Barnes and flinged what seemed to be a doomed pass. Somehow the ball fell between two Ravens and into Braylon's hands, leaving just enough time for a miraculous kick.

Corey says: I'll go with Brodney Pool's 100-yard interception return, as it showcased excellent play on two fronts: there was of course Pool's super-speedy run down the sideline, but there was also Sean Jones' menacing QB pressure on the safety blitz, which forced a wobbly throw, and made the whole sequence possible. This may have been the single biggest play, in terms of its effect on the outcome of the game, that we've seen all year from the Browns defense.

Player of the Week

Alex says: While recognition will go to Phil Dawson for coming through in the clutch twice, Josh Cribbs had an amazing game, even though he didn't make it to the end zone this week. In seven kickoff returns and four punt returns, Josh gained 305 yards. As far as I can tell, this is the second-highest such total in NFL history, to Tyrone Hughes's 347 yards on October 23, 1994.

But wait, there's more! I also found out this week that Cribbs has a YouTube account, under the name of "jcofdc." He's only posted three videos so far, but here's my favorite, featuring Josh and wife Maria doing the Soulja Boy dance. If you're doubting that it's really Cribbs, notice that he makes the "JC" hand sign at the beginning of the video:



Boy, they really supermanned that ho! Am I right?

Corey says: Overall, the pass defense still wasn't as sharp as we'd like it to be, but for once, the front seven did apply some good pressure on Kyle Boller (how bad is the 'Morons' offensive line?). My Player of the Week is Robaire Smith, who recorded two monster sacks in the second half of the game: one a 14-yard loss on 1st-and-10 with Baltimore at the Browns' 21 yard line, and the other, later on the same drive, an 8-yard loss on 3rd-and-5 with the Ravens at the Browns' 8 yard line. Really, the whole front seven deserves credit for disrupting Boller's passing, but no one stands out (the official scorer at M&T Bank Stadium, it seems, is extremely stingy about crediting players with QB pressure—only tackles).

Quote of the Week

Alex says:

"I wouldn't begin to try to explain what happened at the end of the game. I'll leave that to those that think they know better. So you can save your questions with regards to it, because I have no clue what just happened in terms of the ruling and why they did what they did. I'm sure they'll explain it and I'll get the appropriate memo later in the week." —Offensive Genius Brian Billick

After being on the losing side of many wacky endgames as a Browns fan, I can understand any Ravens fan's complaints with the ruling. But, after looking at the replay and using some common sense, a rational person would have to conclude that the field goal should've counted. If the same thing had happened with Matt Stover, I too would eventually say the field goal was good. As Baltimore's coach, it's safe to assume that Billick is a Ravens fan. But his playing dumb is so paper thin, you can see his exasperation with the officials almost dripping out his mouth. Billick's pre-post-game-interview speech is childish and self-righteous to the point of being laughable.

Corey says:

"I went to the officials and said, 'It hit the curved bar! It hit the curved bar!' I couldn't think of the words 'support post.' I was a little unprepared for the situation." —Phil Dawson

Curved bar, support post... from now on, it's the Dawson Bar. Fair enough?

Ryan Pontbriand Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: In the fourth quarter, the world as we know it shattered to a million pieces. Lining up for a forty-eight-yard field goal, Ryan Pontbriand's snap to holder Dave Zastudil was seemingly high. The D-Zast-er aborted the play and was tackled for a three-yard loss. Everyone immediately placed the blame on Pontbriand. It was his snap that had pulled Zastudil out of his stance, right? Could Pontbriand's fabled perfect-snap streak have come to a close? If you ask me, the answer is no. It's impossible to tell without asking the coaches, but I think that the Browns were going to attempt a pooch punt—M&T is notoriously punishing to kicks. The snap should've gone directly to Dawson, but unfortunately, Dawson forgot to tell Pontbriand the play-call, who assumed everything was business as usual. So, Pontbriand snapped to an unsuspecting Zastudil, who was already getting out of his stance since he wouldn't be holding at all. Hence, a snap that wasn't that high in reality but pulled the holder out of his crouch. Your scapegoat: not Ryan Pontbriand. Hooray!

Corey says: Alex, you forgot the part about the Ravens coaches using spy technology to disrupt the Browns' playcalling from behind the grassy knoll. Anyway, my Special Teams Moment of the Week, despite several worthy Josh Cribbs kickoff returns, is the fateful 51-yard field goal that sent the game to overtime, courtesy Le Fils d'Awesome: Phil Dawson. Until we see a field goal bounce off the first row of bleacher seats and back through the uprights onto the field of play, there may never again be a wackier field goal attempt.

Randy Rich Memorial Obscure Brown of the Week

Alex says: Tim Carter, the Browns' supposed third wide receiver, finally broke the hundred yard mark this week. In other words, Carter reached 100 receiving yards for the season, after his one catch for ten yards against the Ravens. Congratulations, Tim! As a former second-round draft pick, Carter is an unlikely Obscure Brown, but he's got some definite good things going for him. For example, did you know his wife's name is LeShell? Well, it is! How about that among his many cousins are Gary Sheffield, Dwight Gooden, and Ozzie Newsome? Seriously!

Corey says: I'm going with the newest Obscure Brown, Greg Eslinger, signed this week off of the Broncos' practice squad. Greg is an offensive lineman, meaning we probably won't see him step onto the field for a single moment! However, he is probably now the second greatest current Cleveland athlete born in the state of North Dakota. Congrats, Greg!

Fashion Item of the Week

Alex says: The weather is turning colder and the referees are breaking out their uglier winter gear. I've touched on this before, but I want to keep the issue fresh in reader's minds. They look like they're wearing pajamas out there. And notice that the side piping switches from black to white at their belt. It's horrible, I say. Horrible!

Corey says: I really hate to suggest this, but are our beloved striped socks done for the season? The Browns teased us with them once (in Week 3 against the Raiders) and then have gone all-brown the rest of the way. This is a travesty of the worst kind. Seriously, what—tell me, what—do they see in those awful all-brown socks?

Idiot of the Week

Alex says: After the sixth play of the game, Haloti Ngata punched Joe Thomas in the head. While Ngata was penalized for unnecessary roughness, he should've been thrown out of the game. What constitutes more just grounds for ejection than a sucker punch to the head? I'll tell you what: murder. But other than murder, nothing. So, in conclusion, Ngata should've been ejected and Ray Lewis should be banished from society to the Artic Circle.

Corey says: Everyone associated with the Ravens organization is a huge idiot, obviously. But I don't know how you can top Offensive Genius Brian Billick, whose team has ranked 27th, 21st, 26th, 24th, 26th, 20th, 27th, 14th, and 29th in offensive DVOA during his 9-year career as a head coach. So yeah, my Idiot of the Week is... oh, I can't break from tradition! It's Ray Lewis!

Number of the Week

Alex says: Of course, I had to go and use my "305 total return yards" stat up in the Player of the Week section. So, I'll go with 33%, or Willis McGahee's success rate on the ground against the Browns. Looking at his conventional statistics (21 carries for 102 yards and a touchdown), it'd be reasonable to conclude that McGahee had a good game. After all, 4.9 yards per carry is very good. But McGahee had a much more boom-or-bust afternoon. His median carry was only three yards. Subtract his two big runs, of twenty-four and eighteen yards, and his yards per carry drops to 3.2—suddenly not so good. And, strangely enough, McGahee didn't get a single carry on a third or fourth down.

Corey says: We'll have to wait until tomorrow (when the DVOA pages are updated) to know for sure, but the Browns may now have scored more points thanks to their kickoff return team than any team of the last 12 years—and that's with 6 games left to play! As discussed in my game preview, coming into the weekend, the Browns kickoff return team had contributed 25.0 points above league average, needing only 2.7 points to overtake the most valuable special teams unit on record, the 2005 Bills kickoff return team. Seeing as how Cribbs had another pretty good game, I think it's a real possibility that the KR team has moved into the top spot. Again, we'll know tomorrow.

This Week on Josh's Cribbs

Corey says: The latest installment of Josh's Cribbs features an in-depth tour of the home of D'Qwell Jackson and his fiancée. Josh is visiting D'Qwell's house for the first time, so we truly get the grand tour. Not much happens, besides Cribbs making goofy comments about everything in the house, and both Browns players showing their lack of pool-shooting skills. All in all, it was a pretty low-key episode. I'm hoping for something big next week.

Pythagorean Moral Standings

The Browns add to their moral lead with a crushing moral victory over the Baltimorons. The Bengals move into second in the AFC North after morally equaling the Cardinals. And the Steelers suffer a complete moral collapse against the Jets, to fall into third place.

            PMW   PML   pct
Cleveland   8.5   1.5  .850
Cincinnati  5.2   4.8  .520
Pittsburgh  4.8   5.2  .480
Baltimore   0.0  11.0  .000

Next week: The Browns flee to The Cleve for an easy win over the Houston Texans, to be followed by lunch with Little Richard. Join us right here for a complete recap of all the festivities!