Is retirement really an option?
Is retirement really an option?
With the help of clips from Any Given Sunday and Friday Night Lights. This is what happens when you don't own rights to the actual replays.
Comes from Taiwanese animators. This might be their best effort yet.
So that’s that. Eli Manning struck a blow for little brothers everywhere. The Hooded Devel and Tom Terrific failed to win another Super Bowl.
New York City celebrated. New England wept. And this is what folks typed on Twitter after the New York Football Giants closed out the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl.
Here is the sampling:
Jason McIntyre: “Tom Brady: 3 Super Bowl wins pre-Gisele. 0 Super Bowl wins with Gisele. #ItmeansNothing #Relax #JetsFan.”
Sports Pickle: “Do you prefer Giseleko Ono or Yoko Bundchen?”
Rain Wilson: “All those Patriots Superbowl XLVI CHAMPIONS hats & shirts are already on their way to the Congo.”
The Fake ESPN: “Giants ‘We're Going To DisneyWorld!’ Patriots ‘We're Going to Haiti To Hand Out Misprinted T-shirts!’”
Eric Stangel: “Eli Manning has more #SuperBowl rings than Peyton Manning, Dan Marino, Dan Fouts, Fran Tarkenton & Jim Kelly combined.”
Clay Travis: “Love Brandon Jacobs saying, ‘We decapitated them,’ of the Patriots while holding a son in each arm.”
Drew Magary: “Tom Coughlin is laughing on TV right now and you can tell that it's causing him pure ANGUISH.”
Steve Rushin: “Not saying Tom Coughlin is the oldest coach in the NFL, but Betsy Ross sewed his challenge flag.”
Mark Cuban: “Good teams make the playoffs, the hot team wins the championship.”
Todd Behrendt: “They seriously need to disinfect the Lombardi Trophy before they give it to the Giants.”
Jon Heyman: “Sure, Eli had his day. But by tomorrow, brother Peyton will be back as the Manning in the headlines.”
Sports Pickle: “Five more Super Bowls and Eli may edge past Cooper to become Archie and Olivia's 2nd favorite son.”
Darren Rovell: “Manning's marketing guy Alan Zucker had to be cringing with that Chevy Corvette presentation. Eli gets paid by Toyota.”
Jennifer Floyd Engel: “Would have been funny if Eli had said he was leaving the car so his bro could get the hell out of town and away from Irsay.”
Sports Pickle: “Awkward. Eli only has his learner's permit.”
Ross Tucker: “Eli has the facial hair of a 13-year old.”
Les Carpenter: “I just got run over by Gisele. There are worse ways to make a living.”
Drew Magary: “Mario Manningham HAD THE SECOND LUCKIEST CATCH EVAHHHH! NO ONE DENIES THIS.”
Jeff Passan: “Wes Welker: drop. Aaron Hernandez: drop. Deion Branch: drop. Chad Ochocinco: catch. What the hell?”
Sports Pickle: “Welker could catch better if his hands weren't covered in grit and scraps.”
Joe Posnanski: “The Drive ... The Immaculate Reception ... The Catch ... And finally: The Reluctant Touchdown.”
Dale Murphy: “Craziest thing . . . Never seen a guy so sad after scoring a TD in the Super Bowl . . .”
Eric Stangel: “Patriots let Giants score. Sometimes I tell myself that's what my Chargers do . . .”
Awful Announcing: “The next Smash commercial may be the one that causes me to throw the TV out the window.”
Steve Young: “Giants have too many men on the field. Damn you, world overpopulation!”
Sports Pickle: “Woodhead, Welker, Edelman ... good luck on that Hail Mary! Maybe get some players above 5-foot-4.”
Darren Rovell: “The Giants win should ensure that Vegas will lose $ just like they did in 2008. Longshot Giants odds of as much as 100/1 in midseason.”
Onion Sports Network: “BREAKING: Super Bowl Ends As NBC Runs Out Of Commercials To Air.”
Sports Pickle: “Brady has really gotten good at throwing deep interceptions.”
Tripping Olney: “TOM BRADY WILL NOW GO HOME TO HIS SUPERMODEL WIFE. TOUGH LUCK FOR HIM.”
Richard Deitsch: “And how's your night going, Rex Ryan?”
Mike Wilbon: “Seeing Bill Belichick humbled really is great, especially after cutting a player the night before the Super Bowl . . .”
Gregg Doyel: “Alex Silvestro, the DL signed after Belichick released Underwood last night, didn't play. Typical.”
Sports Pickle: “Hope you enjoyed those 4 days of relaxed, happy Belichick.”
The Fake ESPN: “We hope the Bengals smoke weed and the Raiders assault some people in the offseason or we'll have to start watching hockey for material.”
Rain Wilson: “Aaron Hernandez's sleeve tattoos read 'loser' in seven different languages!”
Steve Young: “Despite the loss, Newt Gingrich is claiming the Patriots won't drop out.”
The Fake ESPN: “Can we please get back to Tim Tebow already?!”
New England coach Bill Belichick inspires fear and loathing in the professional football industry. He is the Dark Lord of the Gridiron, wearing a ratty hoodie and a perpetual scowl on the sideline while plotting his next unpopular triumph.
Sports pundits are taking turns pondering Belichick’s mystique during Super Bowl week in Indianapolis. Perhaps seeking to throw the scribes off their game, the dour tactician showed his human side while yukking it up during his initial media sessions.
This got the media’s attention:
Alex Marvez, FoxSports.com: “Four years ago, the Patriots arrived for Super Bowl XLII tighter than a Tom Brady spiral. Belichick’s first news conference was filled with questions about New England’s quest for a perfect season and his quarterback’s then-gimpy ankle. Those topics were as pleasant for Belichick to talk about as the lingering stink of the Spygate scandal from earlier in the 2007 season. Compared to then, Belichick was downright jovial when meeting with Super Bowl XLVI media for the first time in Indianapolis.”
Mike Reiss, ESPN.com: “He likes this team. That is one conclusion that can be definitively drawn at Super Bowl XLVI, where New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick has been relaxed, engaging and humorous over the past two days. There have been a lot of smiles in his daily news conferences. If there has been a consensus among media types after listening to Belichick talk about everything from injuries -- yes, injuries -- to his background and influences in the game, it's this: Who kidnapped the old Belichick and replaced him with this one?”
Gregg Rosenthal, NBCSports.com: “Perhaps he’s just getting mellow as he gets older, but we doubt it. Everything Belichick does and says has a purpose. He may have received some feedback or realized that his team was a little tight before the Super Bowl four years ago.”
But the Dark Lord is still the Dark Lord, as veteran football scribes observed:
Jerry Izenberg, Newark Star-Ledger: “His rhetoric falls a couple of light years short of Patrick Henry. He throws interesting quotes around as though they were manhole covers. But he is not running for the coaching equivalent of Mr. Congeniality. Belichick’s emotions are as easy to read as tea leaves at the bottom of a cup of Mississippi Delta mud. Watch him on the sidelines, bundled up in a dull, colorless sweat shirt, his face as frozen and emotionless as if it had just escaped from Mount Rushmore, staring at the 100-yard morality play before him like he were squinting through a foggy day in London Town.”
Ron Borges, Boston Herald: “On the sidelines one turns red while the other seems perpetually gray. That may be the biggest difference between Tom Coughlin and Bill Belichick, and perhaps the only one that separates them on a football field or in a meeting room. Outwardly, Coughlin is a boiling cauldron of emotions, slamming down his headset or play sheets when things go awry while Belichick stands stoically, his face and emotions hidden deep inside the shadowy folds of his signature hoodie. Belichick is Mt. Rushmore to Coughlin’s Mt. Vesuvius.”
CRUMMY EFFORT OF THE NIGHT
Illinois and Michigan State set Big Ten basketball back three decades Tuesday night as the Illini squeezed out a 42-41 victory.
The Spartans shot just 24.1 percent from the floor and nearly won. Illinois shot slightly better at 32.6 percent. Illini standout Brandon Paul suggested there was too much air in the basketball and coach Bruce Weber was forced to call on higher powers to help get shots to drop.
“When the shots go up, I just say, `Please, God, let it go in,”’ Weber said. “Some of the shots just sat in there and then popped out.”
FROM THE TWEETDECK
Gary Parrish: “I have dozed off three times during this Michigan State-Illinois game. Every time I wake up the score is basically the same.”
Peter Schrager: “The Kris Humphries paradox continues. Played great tonight in a Nets loss. Makes me cringe with douche chills an hour later on E!”
Darren McCarty: “Final rumor clarification of the nite b4 I sign off. I never (went the distance with) Kim Kardashian. 1st 2nd or 3rd base - I won't admit or deny tho. Lmao!”
FROM THE BLOG-O-SPEAR
Clay Travis had this lament in Outkick the Coverage:
Every year Super Bowl parties bring together awkward groupings of people who are then forced to sit and watch a football game. Inevitably this drives me crazy. Primarily because I don’t understand why I should suddenly be forced to watch football games with people who haven’t bothered to watch a game all season. I mean, is there any other event that celebrates idiocy more? For instance, I don’t feel compelled to show up in New York City and crash some Broadway actors Tony Awards party. You know why? Because I don’t like musicals and haven’t even seen a Broadway play in the past five years. But I respect the fact that for someone who enjoys the Tony’s, it would be sort of annoying for me to begin the night by saying, “I just don’t understand how anyone could ever like a musical.” Yet, somehow, people arrive at Super Bowl parties and say things like, “I just don’t understand why the teams don’t score more touchdowns. Pass me a Zima,” with absolute impunity. It’s lucky these parties only have plastic utensils.
Even worse than that these Super Bowl gatherings require small-talk, ginger ale, finger foods, awkward banter, excessive genuflection over sugar-free sugar cookies that someone made, insufficient supplies of beer and overly abundant Mike’s Hard Lemonade, poor seating options, and require you to listen to some guy explain what a first down is to his girlfriend with an IQ that would barely be sufficient to allow her to be executed were she to commit a murder. Basically the Super Bowl forces the legitimate football fan to be tortured for about four hours with people he or she wouldn’t even think of spending time with on any other sporting occasion. Essentially, a true football fan has three options when confronted with a Super Bowl gathering of football imbeciles, a. actually answer idiotic and rhetorical questions b. make everyone at the party uncomfortable by calling out the idiots and telling them to shut-up and c. doing your best to ignore the outrageous commentary and the idiots you are amongst. Regarding this, I’ve always thought it would be classic for someone to roll up for a Super Bowl party, sit down on the couch, and put on headphones to listen to the radio broadcast.
This just in: NFL players deliberately attempt to injury each other. Maiming rival players is all in a day's work.
Take the case of San Francisco 49ers punt returner Kyle Williams. The New York Football Giants targeted him for extra abuse because they knew he was vulnerable.
“The thing is, we knew he had four concussions, so that was our biggest thing, was to take him outta the game,” Giants special teams member Jacquian Williams told reporters after the game.
Sure enough, Tyler Sash landed a crushing blow in kick coverage.
“We were just like, ‘We gotta put a hit on that guy,’” Giants coverage man Devin Thomas told the Newark Star-Ledger. “Sash did a great job hitting him early and he looked kind of dazed when he got up. I feel like that made a difference and he coughed it up.”
That’s just pro football, but it does make you wonder why NFL commissioner Roger Goodell goes overboard disciplining players for victimless off-field transgressions.
These guys are ordered to cause mayhem on the field – trimming life spans in the process – but they can’t smoke a little weed in their spare time?
CRUMMY EFFORT OF THE NIGHT
The Orlando Magic scored 10 points in the third quarter at Boston last night. Then they scored 10 points in the fourth quarter, too, giving them 56 for the game.
That was the worst offensive effort in team history. It also wasn't nearly enough to beat the Boston Celtics.
“It didn’t start well, and it got worse as the game went on,” Magic coach Stan Van Gundy told reporters. “That’s the most dominating defensive performance at least that I’ve ever had against me. There’s no singling anybody out. It’s the first game, I think, in my career I’ve ever been through where literally not one guy played well. We didn’t play well. So there’s no finger-pointing, and it’s why you get dominated. Not one guy had a good night, and I’m foremost among them.”
Is Prince Fielder enjoying the free agent recruiting process?
FROM THE TWEETDECK
Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com: “Listening to guys at the bar talking about Eli's a better quarterback than Tom Brady. Maybe someone spiked their beers with #SuperBowlhype.”
The Fake ESPN: “49ers issue protest over NFC game finish when they noticed Ed Hochuli still explaining the overtime rules this afternoon.”
Sports Pickle: “Tim Thomas didn't show up for tonight's debate either. He's one pissed off goalie.”
Eric Stangel: “Tim Thomas refuses to go to International House of Pancakes because he doesn't like their dependence on foreign syrups.”
Tripping Olney: “THE BLUE JAYS AND TIGERS ARE STILL FRONTRUNNERS FOR MATT GARZA. SEE? SOME STUPID TOOL WILL RETWEET THIS LIKE IT MEANS SOMETHING.”
FROM THE BLOG-O-SPEAR
Sounds like the folks are Kissing Suzy Kolber aren’t totally looking forward to the Super Bowl:
At long last, New York and Boston gets to settle an overblown regional rivalry through the medium of professional sports. It must be very cathartic to finally get that opportunity.
Did you know that Week 9 against the Giants was the last game that the Patriots lost?
Were you aware that that very game ended with Eli Manning throwing a touchdown pass to Jake Ballard, who wears the same jersey number that David Tyree wore as a Giant? A David Tyree who made a Giant Snatch, which was the Official Bill Simmons These Are My Readers Most Luckiest Leg Sweep In Rocky IV History?
These will be IMPORTANT COINCIDENCES used to create an extra sense of drama for a game that doesn’t really need it, but you’ll be bombarded with them nonetheless. But it’s the Super Bowl. If it weren’t these, it’ve been something about Jack Harbaugh whipping both of his sons with the sticks that correspond to the colors of the teams they now coach.
This rap tribute is just the beginning of the fun. Enjoy!
Ugh. The NFC Championship Game was a heavyweight defensive battle. The battle raged on into overtime.
And then . . . 49ers punt returner Kyle Williams fumbled the ball away, giving the Giants its opportunity to kick the winning field goal.
This was the same Kyle Williams who muffed a punt earlier in the game. The rest of his winter will be most unpleasant. How does a player come back from something like that?
Here is what they were saying in the Twitterverse as this drama unfolded:
Sports Pickle: “Every kid grows up dreaming of throwing a game-winning TD. Or, if they're really, really small, they dream of kicking a game-winning FG.”
Gregg Doyel: “Kyle Williams, meet Billy Cundiff. Billy? Kyle.”
Sports Pickle: “Maybe Cundiff should return kicks and Kyle Williams should kick. Worth a try.”
Jason McIntyre: “Bigger goat? Kyle Williams or Billy Cundiff? Going to be a tough Monday/Tuesday for those chumps.”
Jeff Schultz: “New version of Clue game: Kyle Williams, not Col. Mustard, killed a team in a Candlestick (Thank you. I'm here all week.)”
Bill Reiter: “Somewhere, Billy Cundiff is actually like: ‘At least I'm not that guy.’”
Gary Parrish: “I always feel awful for folks like Kyle Williams. I mean, do you ever get over that? Do people ever let you?”
Sports Pickle: “Lee Evans is only getting the bronze medal of Goatery tonight. Amazing.”
Gary Parrish: “If you could only become a pro athlete if you agreed to let a major screwup define you forever would you still do it? I say no.”
Will Carroll: “I hope Eli Manning has a deal with an analgesic company after tonight's game. He's been hit a LOT.”
Clay Travis: “New York and Boston pro teams are so undercovered. Refreshing for them to get a little attention.”
Jeff Schultz: “The Harbaugh family won't have to worry about which son to root for, unless there's a third-place game.”
The Fake ESPN: “At least the 49ers have enough ice to make snow cones to reward their players for doing their best.”
Sports Pickle: “Fun Fact: Alex Smith can skip a rock 56 times across a lake. Unintentionally.”
Gregg Doyel: “Don't mean this bad or good. Just mean this: Alex Smith has played very much like Tim Tebow today.”
Peter Schrager: “I want Frank Gore's cape/jacket/thingy in Canton. First ballot.”
Steve Rushin: “Eli Manning looks like a kid in a Tide commercial.”
Darren Rovell: “Hey Buffalo Wild Wings, stop it. Let's get a winner.”
Sports Pickle: “Whoever gets the ball first should totally do that 80-yard touchdown pass play that Denver ran.”
Adam Kramer: “And now, a short film by Ed Hochuli titled ‘The Coin Flip.’”
Eric Stangel: “Ed Hochuli, what happens if no one gets to score because you're still explaining the rules??”
Jeff Passan: “I hope in his day job as a lawyer Ed Hochuli doesn't bill by the word.”
Clay Travis: “They're going to need smelling salts for Eli Manning and Alex Smith before OT. Destruction out there.”
Trey Wingo: “Patrick Willis, human anvil.”
Chris Mortensen: “Tom Brady may lose some sleep watching both of these defensive fronts. #realdeal.”
The Fake ESPN: “Eli never looked more special than in that replay of him with a shoulder pad out & chin guard over his mouth doing the timeout signal.”
Sports Pickle: “Eli Manning is the kid who always got hurt playing 2-hand touch. ‘Hey, no tackling!’ ‘I barely touched you.’
Jim Rome: “Niners' sweep game is crazy. They get to the edge and just kill people.”
Steve Young: “Giants take the lead! Now's the time for them to become reckless and cocky! #ItalianCaptainTweetsGiantsGame.”
Trey Wingo: “Eli in the 4th quarter . . . all year.”
The Fake ESPN: “Alex Smith has converted about as many 3rd downs as Tim Tebow has converted Muslims.”
Sports Pickle: “Alex Smith: tiny hands, big heart.”
Eric Stangel: “Ed Hochuli has a Bowflex under the video review hood . . .”
Sports Pickle: “Hochuli: ‘Four score and 7 years ago, our fathers ... [13 minutes later] ... Giants ball.’”
Ray Ratto: Hochuli needed extra time to write his speech
Darren Rovell: “Although it is the most common last name in the US, there has never been a starting Super Bowl QB w/the last name of Smith.”
Steve Young: “There's a player named Cruz? Somehow I'm going to be blamed if he loses. #ItalianCaptainTweetsGiantsGame.”
Ryan Clark: “Victor Cruz should walk in the GM's office & be absolutely silent as he hands him the tape of this game! #nothingtobesaid. Pay the man!”
Jim Rome: “Weather isn't affecting the Giants' passing game. Why would it? They're not a dome team, coming off the rug. & they owned Lambeau last week.”
Sports Pickle: “Wow. Eli hasn't been hit that hard since a fat kid jumped on him in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese.”
Gregg Doyel: “Alex Smith: 2-for-7 in first half ... 113.7 passer rating. Never seen that before.”
Darren Rovell: “Line from Victor Cruz' 2010 NFL Draft scouting report: ‘One-speed receiver who does not get separation down the field.’”
Bob Fescoe: “Jim Harbaugh’s body language sucks. He looks so entitled on the sideline and always looks like he just got screwed.”
Urban Meyer will do a fabulous job as the new football coach at Ohio State. The Buckeyes will get back in the national title hunt ASAP.
But his hiring caused many eyes to roll, with both at the school and its new coach. Didn't Meyer quit coaching to spend more time with his family? And why did Ohio State hire a guy from an arrest-prone program and a conference famous for its recruiting malfeasance?
Here just a few of the media takes:
Pat McManamon, FoxSports.com: “The Ohio State University has either stepped in a pot of gold, or stepped in the proverbial ‘it.’ There really seems to be no in-between in the hiring of Urban Meyer as the Buckeyes' head coach. That this hiring came together so soon after the Buckeyes' loss in Michigan on Saturday ranks up there with the discovery of new moons around Jupiter. Only Custer was caught so unprepared.”
Jen Engel, FoxSports.com: “Maybe he bailed because SEC pressure is toxic and insane. Maybe it was because Tim Tebow graduated. Maybe losing ate at him. Maybe he really had very little talent stockpiled. Maybe he really did want to spend more time with his family only to realize he missed having a football family, as well. Maybe he really wanted to change. Maybe he was lying all along. I do not know. I do not care. It is none of my damn business, or yours. I will let Meyer determine how to properly mete out his 24 hours between job and kids, how to best tend to his cardiovascular health, how to find what feels like balance for him. What I know for sure is Ohio State just hired itself a good coach.”
Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “Ah, who will ever forget when Meyer was introduced as the new head coach at Florida seven years ago when he said that he had reached ‘the top of the mountain; in college coaching? Guess it must have been foggy in Gainesville that day and Urbie couldn’t see that there was another mountain peak in the distance — one that was even higher than the one he had ascended to in Gainesville: O-Lie-O State. The Buckeyes have replaced one coach who couldn’t tell the truth with another.”
Pat Dooley, Gainsville Sun: “The Gator Nation feels angry and betrayed, as if it has happened all over again. You think you have a special relationship with a guy, he walks away and tells you marriage isn’t for him and then ends up marrying a girl you think is nowhere near as hot as you are. I mean, it’s not like he took a job at, oh, I don’t know, South Carolina where he planned on trying to beat you every year.”
Pete Fiutak, College Football News: “Take a step back for a moment and try to comprehend who Ohio State just hired as its next head football coach just a few short months after all the embarrassment and all the scandal that Jim Tressel – who also suggested he was doing God’s work – brought to the school. ‘Shelley and I prayed about it. We talked about it. We took our time. Next morning, we woke up. I looked at her again - she’s a better judge of talent than I am - and there’s no doubt I wanted (Luke Fickell) to be a part of this team.’ This is just the kind of crap the powerfully stupid laps up, and it’s the precise reason why so many confused people start to see football coaches as more than just guys who teach people how to block and tackle.”
CRUMMY EFFORT OF THE NIGHT
The once-proud Giants defense allowed Drew Brees to toss five touchdown passes Monday night. Five! New Orleans is a good team, but the Saints DID lose to the Rams this season, so it’s not like this Tom Coughlin gets a pass for this.
FROM THE TWEETDECK
Here is some of what popped up on my Twitter timeline last night:
Peter Schrager: “Anyone peep the next two MNF games?! SD @ Jax and St. Louis @ Seattle. Time to get caught up on all those episodes of ‘The Good Wife’.”
Adam Schefter: “Since the start of the 2005 season, Drew Brees has thrown for 30,183 yards. Yup, the Dolphins didn't need to sign him.”
Eric Stangel: “The cherry on the top of the Chargers Crap Sundae is seeing ex-Chargers shining on #MNF... #Brees #Sproles”
Peter Schrager: “Saints love pouring on the points in garbage time on national TV. Watch, they'll lose 12-10 in San Francisco in the playoffs.”
Art Stapleton: “In the immortal words of Duke from Rocky 4, #NYG as Apollo & NO as Drago: ‘Throw in the damn towel. This was supposed to be an exhibition.’”
Eric Stangel: “‘...That's what makes Eli Manning great’ - Jon Gruden on the Giants QB who is down 21-3 with 0 TD and 1 INT”
Darren Rovell: “Thru tonight, Giants backup David Carr has made $36,796,765. That's $399,965 for every game he has played in.”
Sports Pickle: “Kerry Collins was the best free agent acquisition by far. If you're trying for Andrew Luck.”
Jim Rome: “Seeing Rick Neuheisel do Oregon after getting whacked would be hilarious. So is thinking he can stay within 7 touchdowns of the Ducks.”
Apparently not, given their willingness to flop around the field faking injuries. And now they are talking tough about beating the Eagles? Please.