I have tried to post something at least 5 times since nationals but just couldn't find a way to describe my thoughts. Actually, I didn't even know what I was thinking.
I have been very fortunate to have been so successful so many years consecutively. Knowing some of the obstacles I’ve faced leading up to big races in the past I felt adequately prepared to face whatever might come my way as I headed into the 2001 season. Yet, this year I faced obstacles I was not equipped to deal with and never saw coming. To finish the season so poorly without injury or some other stroke of explainable misfortune and live it all out very publicly has been very hard.
Easiest thing to do would be stay home, hide and make up some grand excuse but there are none. I had hoped to begin the season with the same stellar marks as my main competitors, have a consistent string of sub11 performances, a personal best, make the world team and win it! I am healthy, talented and just as capable of these things as anyone running right now. I just am not getting it done.
Dozens of factors and variables may have played a part so I cannot attribute it to any one thing. The truth is without balance one aspect of life is capable of smothering another. I have to get a grip, get professional and do my job or be left at home again next year.
One thing I will address is my weight as there has been much speculation about it. I did race heavier this year but have not been gaining weight all season long. I have been consistently the same weight week in and out since February. However, I could stand to loose a pound or seven from what I consider my true race weight of previous years. I remember in 2004 Coach Deem telling me no more media after a particularly aggressive interviewer grilled her with questions. When I asked what kinds of things he asked she said one was if she was worried about my weight being a problem as I aged and I laughed. Little did I know that his crystal ball worked better than mine and in the future this wouldn’t be funny.
This year I have learned that it is not until your at your lowest that you recognize and appreciate those who have been telling you they love you all along. Recently, I realized that though things could be going A LOT better, I have never in my life felt more loved than I do right now.
So thank you to those my inner circle who despite my subjecting them to poor attitude far more than anyone should have to put up with another’s negativity have continued to encourage me day in and day out. I am also thankful for encouraging words of friends, family, colleagues, competitors, agents, coaches and hundreds of people on Facebook who are rooting for me to continue on because they know I have yet to reach my full potential.
I am choosing to keep working at it, not give up and know that the best is yet to come!