Welp, here I am again, two years to the day. Yup, crazy right? Ruptured my right patella tendon on April 8, 2010--repaired April 16, 2010. Fast-forward, April 16, 2012, I tore my left anterior crucial ligament (ACL)--repaired May 7, 2012. But I’m not here to complain, I just want to give some background for the newbies.
This injury is nothing like my first one. A ruptured patella repair is pretty extensive and I don’t really want to go into it...again. So, if you need a refresher, just click some of my older blog posts. :-) They’ll answer any questions you have. Ok, I’m back, so yeah, the physical rehab will be cake for me. If I can come back from a ruptured patella tendon, I’m goooooood. By the way, I’m super thankful that was my first injury. Relatively speaking, ACL rehab isn’t as slow and grueling as my patella tendon repair, or at least that’s been my experience. Praise Him :-)
I believe this rehab is different. My patella tendon injury was about my knee. It was a matter of time, that knee had been giving me fits! Came back from that 20 lbs lighter and feeling like my old self. I was overseas baaaallllling! Granted, the league wasn’t all that but I was working on my game and my weaknesses. I was in killer shape, grabbing the rim with two hands, flying down the court, just giving it to whoever, however, lol! No, seriously, I was just proud of how far I had come physically and how hard I worked. That’s why I know that this ACL injury is not about my knee. I know I’ll get back in pro shape, easy! I’ve done it before. This rehabilitation is about my faith.
A couple things stick out in my mind. There was alot of anger. Thankfully, I’m not angry anymore. It took me a very long time to be able to talk about being injured without breaking down. I was struggling, I was feeling sorry for myself, I was guilting, I had every symptom of depression. I had so many different emotions. I didn’t know how to organize and deal with them. I don’t think I gave myself all the time I needed to process everything. I just tried to be this big super hero, even still thinking that I could do it on my own. I had this awesome 2 hour skyping session with my Daddy, we talked intimately like we always do. We prayed together and he encouraged me like only he can. For a few days I felt good but my empty feelings returned. I was ready to give ball up and everything. Being the control-freak that I am, I was like, Ok, God, 2 knee injuries in 2 years? I guess You want me to stop playing? I don’t necessarily feel that way today. I’ll get into greater detail later. I had these worthless feelings before I had a super honest convo with my Heavenly Father. I had to be truthful with myself. Are you the best Christian you can be? Are you really about that life? You want people to see you has this great Christian that has it all together, but have you really committed? Yeah, you’re a PK and raised in the church but have you really given your life to the fullest? Nope. Well try it. God obviously wants and has my attention.
Praise God for His amazing grace! He strategically placed people and little bursts of encouragement around me. I love music. I’d heard of this guy Mali Music. Didn’t know anything about him really. My brother got a copy of his cd and brought it over to me and told me to listen. I threw it on my dresser and figured I’d get around to it. By this time, I had adopted the mantra--”one day at a time.” Well, this particular day was horrible!!! From the second I woke up, the devil had me in his grasp. I was just feeling sorry for myself, crying uncontrollably, destructive thoughts just snowballing in my mind. I started praying through my tears. I just wanted some encouragement. I just wanted some kind of something to let me know that He hears me. I listen to some gospel music to get my mind right, that soothed me for the rest of the day.
The next day, I’m just lounging around the house--not really doing anything. I decided to put that Mali Music on while I cleaned up the kitchen. I’m cleaning and half-heartedly listening. As I’m listening I realize that this is basically unconventional gospel. It’s got a neo-soul feel. A few lyrics stick out to me so I decide to look up the lyrics to his album, ‘The 2econd Coming.” The lyrics to each song described some type of spiritual struggle or frustration that was specifically on my heart. The more I listened, the better I felt, and my hunger for the word grew. So began my spiritual renewal...
This blog will document my “spiritual rehab”. I want to provide a very honest and open experience of how I overcame my broken spirit. I’m very thankful and blessed that God has entrusted His work in me. I want to share my journey and glorify His name.
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of you heart. Commit our way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act." Psalm 37: 3-5, ESV