If you have been puzzled by the weekly injury reports coming out of the New England Patriots, you are not alone.
Every week, as required by NFL rules, the Patriots under coach Bill Belichick list their probable and questionable players for the upcoming game. IN some weeks, it seems every major player on the team has come down with something or other.
The nagging injuries range from leg to neck to and every body part in between.
What determines then whether a player is questionable for game time or not?
We have done our research and found the answer: it is up to Bill Belichick and his magical approach to good health.
Hidden spy cameras took photos of Belichick during training camp when Aaron Hernandez cracked his funny bone and rushed to the sidelines. Some may recall that Belichick ran over to his highly prized tight end and planted a wet smackeroo on the boo-boo, thus rendering Hernandez able to return to practice.
This remarkable voodoo style treatment of injury sets Belichick apart from all other NFL coaches who do not have the chutzpah or medical chops to take such drastic action.
Showing intense love for his players, Belichick will do the unimaginable. He will kiss the pain to make it better. This treatment has been used for millennia by mothers who know something about good parenting.
How effective is Belichick’s cure-all? With dozens of players seeking medical treatment on the injury list every week, this likely means a large supply of lip balm for the coach. We have noted that dozens of names on the weekly report suddenly and miraculously return to play the next game.
Even more amazing, these players have extraordinary success after one treatment from the loveable Belichick method of boo-boo repair and automatic healing.
Unnamed team sources say there are limits to Belichick’s panacea. He draws the line at what he will kiss. They say the only person that the coach will make an exception for is Tom Brady, making Belichick a bona fide butt-kisser in only Tom’s case.