Carl Crawford and Theo Epstein, Orphans of the Storm!

DATELINE: HUMOR!

Sometimes a child feels like he was not wanted by his parents, or that he is so alien from his guardians that they cannot possibly be related to him. A child may know he is not the favorite of his father.

Now, as a full-fledged millionaire adult, Carl Crawford of the Boston Red Sox has now experienced those feelings. His owner, John W. Henry, principal owner of the Red Sox admitted that he didn’t want Crawford, but the baseball people overruled him.

That makes Carl Crawford the poor little rich kid of the Red Sox. He becomes the unwanted child born to old parents. He becomes the “accident” of poor timing.

Unfortunately for John Henry, he cannot put Carl Crawford up for adoption. No other team in the league wants a pampered and overpaid spoiled brat playing in their backyard.

Henry has also divided his own house so that players like Crawford and Gonzalez will inherit the wind. Fenway Park is now like a creepy mansion in dark shadows.

Carl Crawford may turn out, like David Copperfield, to be the hero of his own life, or he may end up like Lillian Gish as another Orphan of the Storm.

If any Red Sox player thought there might be a Hall of Fame in his future, the amount of cholesterol in the fried chicken and beer may have tipped the scales toward being an orphan of baseball in their retirement years.

John Henry has turned Carl Crawford into extra dessert you shouldn’t have eaten. “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing,” will be Henry’s complaint to the fans on his next impromptu radio appearance.

Well, John Henry, you did eat the whole thing, and you may now have to eat the whole contract too.

We don’t know whether billionaire Thurston Howell, III, and his wife Lovey owned a baseball team in Boston or F.C. in Liverpool, but they certainly did not have to pay child support to a grown man who cannot pull his own weight like the Green Monster that Henry has created.

Crawford will run rampant around the Boston countryside, like the Frankenstein creature of baseball for six more years.

Carl Crawford may feel unloved and unwanted in Boston over the duration of his contract, but he can always throw a temper tantrum and demand a trade.

William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR!