DATELINE: HUMOR! Leave it to those Red Sox to find a bridge to sell once again this year in Boston. They went all the way to Nashville before Christmas to find a bridge to replace the Zakim Bridge in fan hearts. Only Mae West could actually sell the Brooklyn Bridge, though Bugs Bunny tried. Larry Lucchino has bought the bridge year to nowhere again this season and will pass on the costs to the fans. He thinks fans will believe he is giving them the Golden Gate. Last year’s bridge seemed to go down like the Bridge of San Luis Rey with a bunch of players falling all the way to Los Angeles. This year’s bridge could be the Bridge over the River Kwai, which did not collapse, but was blown up in the ultimate gesture of irony. Latest Sox millionaire Shane Victorino will tell you that the River Kwai is not on Oahu. Having just signed Koji Uehara as a spot reliever, the Red Sox bridge begins to seem like the Bridge of Toko-Ri, but that was in Korea, not Japan. That one was bombed. The Red Sox will make this year the Bridge of Madison County if only Scott Boras and Jacoby Ellsbury cross it. The other Boston bridge that Clint Eastwood made a movie about is the Mystic-Tobin Bridge, which is a toll bridge, charging the customers. It’s sort of like buying a brick for Fenway Park. This year’s even money ball is on the Owl Creek Bridge, courtesy of Ambrose Bierce. If Ben Cherington is hanging around this bridge, he will either find the rope around his neck will break, sending him on a spiritual journey—or he will hang in effigy forever off the trestle leading to the Monster Seats. For our money, this bridge year for the Sox offers a no trump guarantee.