Up until this week Tom Brady had competition only in one area on the Boston sports scene.
The man who has everything, including a few championship rings, had only one rival in the cleft chin competition.
Yes, Theo Epstein has departed the region, leaving Tom as the last man standing.
With a cleft chin bigger than a sinkhole, Tom’s cleft may be shadowed like a crater on the Moon. His dimple ran deeper than anyone in football. We feel you could stick your finger into the crevice and find a wormhole.
Now with Theo Epstein gone to the Windy City, the canyon of Boston chin clefts will never be the same. There is now a chin gap in Boston.
Cleft chin, sometimes called butt chin or chin dimple, is caused by an underlying depression in one’s jaw. The sign of male beauty rises, in fact, from having a bonehead issue. It’s hereditary, meaning Epstein’s Boston roots never took hold.
We had always hoped for a photo of the two men together, chin to chin, to see whose dimple cracked first.
These two stars of the Boston media had rivals only from generations ago and a coast away. Cary Grant and Kirk Douglas were the pinup boys for cleft chins nearly 70 years ago.
The elder clefts left us hanging, as movie history featured only an honorary winning of Oscar, the big prize.
Theo and Tom actually won the best award in sports entertainment. No one had to create a special honorary victory for them.
Others may come to Boston with a cleft chin, but no one will ever match the stereophonic symmetry of Tom and Theo, football and baseball, telegenic poster boys for eye candy.
Ben Charington, Theo’s likely successor, simply lacks the cleft quotient.
Brady’s only rival now for the superhero chin lives in Metropolis.
Theo’s cleft is simply beyond filling. It will remain a gap in the Boston landscape for the foreseeable future.
Theo’s departure leaves only one deep fissure in Boston.
When it comes to chasms, the Red Sox successors may fall short in the chinny chin chin department. We hope John Henry puts a cleft chin in the job description for candidates.
We have speculated for some time now that the cleft of Tom and Theo grows larger with each World Series or Super Bowl.
Like a permanent sinkhole under the Big Dig Tunnel, we know that Tom may race ahead of Theo now, just when Theo looked ready to win another World Series in 2011.
Tom may yet increase the depth of his cleft in February of 2012.
William Russo's newest book is now out, ready for your tablet, your smartphone, your Kindle or Nook. Read RED SOX 2011: A WHIMSICAL AUTOPSY to find a month-by-month examination of the team, showing all the signs of trouble that most sports media missed. His other sports books are SEX, DRUGS, SPORTS & WHIMSY and RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR!