We have lost our ability to use our blinkers. As a nation, collectively, we have lost our ability to use our blinkers. Just like we have lost the ability to resist trashy reality TV programming. The Kartrashians could move next to the Osbournes and they could open up lemonade stands in their driveways and it would be a top ten hit. I think our blinker issue is because of all the processed food we eat nowadays. Let’s blame it on the Twinkies. I am convinced there is some chemical in Twinkies that has altered our mental ability to anticipate and use our car blinkers. Even when Twinkies went away for a while (Oh, the horror. My therapist is still on speed dial.) we still failed to use the blinker. Maybe if there had been an afterschool special when we were younger about the trauma caused by not using our blinkers, starring Scott Baio and Cloris Leachman, we would have changed our blinker-avoiding ways. But we’re beyond that now. All because of Twinkies. And NASCAR. Yah, NASCAR doesn’t help. You don’t see Kurt Busch using his blinker when he cuts off Brad Keselowski on the third curve of the 240th lap. That is about as likely as Jeff Gordon stopping in the middle of a race, blocking a lane and rolling down his window to ask Jimmie Johnson, “pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?” Not gonna happen. NASCAR vehicles don’t even have blinkers. When I die, hopefully not as a result of someone failing to use their blinker, I want a simple phrase on my tombstone. “He always used his blinker.” It’s true. Always have, always will. Except occasionally when I forget or I am in a hurry to get home because I really have to pee. But most of the time I use my blinker. It frustrates me when people don’t use their blinker. Perhaps we could save the younger generation by inventing a video game where the goal is to use your blinker. In order to save the queen, or win the battle, or plunder the treasure (or whatever you do in video games these days), you have to excel at using the blinker. Use your blinker and get 500 points. Use it two times in a row and get an extra life. Use it with your left hand while holding your cell phone in your right hand and you get nothing. Because talking on your cell phone while driving is even worse than not using your blinker. I can’t put anything about that on my tombstone because, in all honesty, I need to work on that. But you can put the part about the blinker. Maybe my tombstone could even have a blinker, a light that flashes on and on while the throngs of people come to visit my grave. Or not. Just when you come to visit, please use your blinker.