Originally posted on Aaron Torres Sports  |  Last updated 12/11/12
Admit it: When Bobby Petrino was fired as Arkansas’ head coach last spring, a little part of your soul died. Didn’t it?   It’s ok, it happened to all of us.    After all, Bobby Petrino was a revolutionary, a once-in-a-generation man who effortlessly blended the art of winning football games with a totally dispassionate, “I’m not even going to pretend to like you or be interested in anything you have to say” attitude. In the process, it turned him into the sport’s Dos Equis Guy, essentially, “The Most Interesting Man in College Football.” Like the Dos Equis guy, Petrino even had the bevvy of blondes on his arm to prove it.    Well now, after eight months of emptiness, Bobby Petrino is back in our lives, after being named the new head coach at Western Kentucky on Monday. Simply put, the world rejoiced with the announcement, except in Bowling Green, KY, where every man with a daughter currently enrolled at the school immediately had her pulled her from classes.    That’s right, this is once again Bobby’s World. And frankly, we’re all just lucky enough to be living in it.   Or at least I am. Which is why rather than going through with the boring, monotonous standard article, explaining why Petrino was a great hire, why he is going to change football...blah, blah, blah... instead, I decided to take a different approach, and give you a list of 50 Reasons why I’m excited to have Petrino back in my life. For those of you who know me, you know few have anything to do with actual football.   Still, here are 50 Reasons To Be Excited About Bobby Petrino’s Return to College Coaching!!  1. Because if you thought hiring Jessica Dorrell as his recruiting coordinator at Arkansas was bad, wait until Petrino brings her to Western Kentucky as his defensive coordinator.    2. Because once Jon Gruden turned down the Western Kentucky job, wasn’t Petrino the next best option?   3. Because if Kentucky somehow loses to Western Kentucky in 2013 (you know, like they did in 2012) well at least this year it’ll be excusable. Right?   4. Because when Western Kentucky gets an invite to join the Big Ten as the conference’s 27th member, well, how smart will Petrino look then?   5. Hey, at least he’s not John L. Smith. Know what I’m saying?   6. Because when the Sun Belt starts its own television network in a year or two, we all know “Breakfast with Bobby” is going to the highest rated show on that whole channel.   7. Because no one- I mean NO one- has done more to get under qualified blondes jobs working in college football than Bobby Petrino has. In that sense, the man is a true pioneer.   8. Admit it: If Bobby Petrino hadn’t been hired Monday, you would’ve spent the whole damn day Googling pictures of Johnny Manziel’s girlfriend, wouldn’t you have?   9. Because when Western Kentucky hired Bobby Petrino Monday, it was one less job opening that could potentially bring Houston Nutt back to college football. And isn’t that something we can ALL be thankful for this holiday season?    10. Because with this one hire, Sun Belt Wednesdays are now more exciting than Big Ten Saturdays.   Sorry Purdue fans. It’s true.     11. Because when this off-season began weren’t we all thinking, “Boy, I bet Western Kentucky ends up hiring a guy with more career wins than the new Tennessee, Auburn and Kentucky coaches combined,” right?   12. Six words for you to chew on this morning: “Ryan Mallett, Western Kentucky offensive coordinator.” Sure it won’t happen, but a guy can dream, can’t he?   13. Six more words for you: “Gene Chizik, Western Kentucky defensive coordinator.” Again it won’t happen, but seriously... STOP CRUSHING MY DREAMS, OK??!?!?!?!?!   14. Because as Clay Travis pointed out last night: Petrino’s salary at Western Kentucky is $850,000 and his buyout after one year is $1.2 million. Meaning that if Petrino were to leave the school after a single season (like some have speculated), he’d actually have to pay the school $350,000 for the privilege of coaching them in 2013.    Say what you want about the guy’s past, but if that isn’t the best deal in sports, I don’t know what is.     15. And besides, even if Petrino does leave after one year, let’s be real here: We all know Tommy Tuberville would take that job in a second.    16. Looking at this thing realistically, doesn’t Petrino have about the same chance of winning a National Championship at Western Kentucky as he did at Arkansas?   17. For those Arkansas fans still upset about last year’s Louisiana-Monroe loss, well, don’t worry: Old Coach Petrino is out for revenge in 2013!!!     18. Look, you and I both know that Bret Bilema isn’t gonna work out as Arkansas head coach. So if this hire is the first step toward Petrino getting his old job back in 2015, well, won’t it all be worth it?   19. Because searches for “Kentucky motorcycle laws” nearly crashed Google Monday afternoon.    20. Let’s give Petrino credit for this: When he was hired on Monday, he never once referred to Western Kentucky as his “dream job.” Every other coach who was hired this off-season can’t say the same.    21. He also never bothered to claim that “he has family from the area.” (Yeah, I’m looking at you, Todd Graham)   22. Because when Western Kentucky beats Tennessee next year... man, are UT fans gonna be pissed!   23. For that matter, when Western Kentucky beats Tennessee next year... man, are Auburn fans to be pissed too!!! You know, just because.    24. Admit it: Thinking about Bobby Petrino in couple’s counseling is just about the single funniest thing imaginable. Isn’t it?   25. Because you and I both just bookmarked the webpage for the currently vacant “Western Kentucky, on-campus recruiting coordinator” job. You know, just in case.       27. Because the 2013 Kentucky Bike Rally just became THE social event of the 2013 calendar year.   28. Because even if Bobby Petrino never wins another game, that “Petrino’s Hog Shop” t-shirt I got for my birthday last year is still pretty much the best gift I’ve ever received.      29. Honestly, if Petrino going to Western Kentucky doesn’t make Skip Bayless have a heart attack on First Take Tuesday morning, frankly, I’m not sure anything will.    30. Because in one day, Bobby Petrino singlehandedly allowed Western Kentucky to go from “completely irrelevant college football program” to “relevant one.” How many other coaches could you say that about?     32. Because when Bobby Petrino was hired yesterday, it allowed me to pull up the single greatest YouTube clip ever: Bobby Petrino “Calling the Hogs” at his opening press conference at Arkansas.    33. Because no matter how bad things get for Petrino, hey, at least it can’t be worse than Charlie Weis’ first season at Kansas, right?   34. Because as we all know, red uniforms really do bring out the color in Bobby Petrino’s eyes.    Well, take a guess as to what color Western Kentucky wears? Ladies, watch out!!   35. Because what else were you going to do on Friday nights this fall? Watch re-runs of the “Big Bang Theory” on TBS?    36. Because let’s be honest: Petrino is a much better fit at Western Kentucky than he would’ve been at Auburn. Even at his best, the man never could beat Nick Saban.    37. Now, Colorado on the other hand...well, wait why the hell didn’t that school give Petrino a call?    38. Because I just spent the last hour looking over Kentucky’s motorcycle laws and nowhere does it say that mistresses aren’t allowed to ride shotgun.   Man is this year gonna be fun!   39. Because for anyone killing the hire, let’s remember what a Western Kentucky season ticket holder told USA Today’s Dan Wolken on Monday: “People have sex all over the world.”    Hmm, I never thought of it that way. But the guy is totally right!   40. Because if living in Bowling Green, KY for at least a year doesn’t put Bobby Petrino on the straight and narrow, nothing will.    41. Sure, whenever Petrino decides to leave Western Kentucky it’s going to be in the most awkward manner possible. But hey, at least it can’t be worse than how he left the Falcons, right?    42. You’ve never had a single reason to watch the GoDaddy.com Bowl before. You will next season.     43. Because again, I cannot emphasize this enough: At least he’s not John L. Smith!   44. Because if Petrino actually had the balls to show up to his introductory press conference on a Harley yesterday, it might’ve gone down as the single funniest thing in the history of human civilization.    45. According to my buddy Dave Purdum, Petrino is 60-38-1 against the spread as a college coach. Meaning that if you don’t make several thousand dollars betting on Western Kentucky next year, well, you’re doing it all wrong.    46. When Western Kentucky hangs 80 points on South Alabama next year, it may actually lead to Mark May’s head exploding on national TV.    If that does happen, the world will be a better place because of it.    47. Because for those of us who aren’t interested in the National Corvette Museum, we now have another reason to visit Bowling Green, KY this fall.    48. Because how funny is it to think about national reporters waking up on a Tuesday morning and realizing, “Crap, do I really have to listen in on the Sun Belt Conference call this week?”    49. Because (and for the first time today I’m totally being serious here): With openings at Tennessee, Kentucky, Colorado, Arkansas and Auburn this off-season, who the hell thought Western Kentucky would hire the best football coach of them all?   And finally...   50. Because no matter what the guy did off the field, on the field, college football is a fundamentally better place when Bobby Petrino is coaching somewhere.     Personally, I’m happy to have the guy back.    (If you loved the article, then you’ll love Aaron’s new eBook: The Year in Sports 2012” a collection of his best and most entertaining writing from the year of 2012. For just a couple bucks, be sure to pick up your copy on Amazon.com today.    In addition, be sure to follow Aaron on Twitter, Facebook and by downloading the Aaron Torres Sports App.    And finally, feel free to sign-up for his mailing list on the right side of this site or by e-mailing him at ATorres00@gmail.com)      
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