Originally written on The Hoover Street Rag  |  Last updated 10/6/11

EVANSTON, IL - OCTOBER 31: Dan Persa #7 of the Northwestern Wildcats throws a pass against the Penn State Nittany Lions at Ryan Field on October 31, 2009 in Evanston, Illinois. Penn State defeated Northwestern 34-13. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
THEME SONG In the not too distant future, Saturday A.D. There was a guy named Jordan, not too different from you or me He worked at Schembechler Institute, just another face in a maize jumpsuit He did a good job cleaning up the place, but his bosses kinda liked him so they made him play in space (Curse you GERG!) We'll send him speedy runners, the best we can find He'll have to stop, tackle them all as we monitor his mind Now keep in mind he can't control when the games begin or end He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of his D-Line friends... D-LINE ROLL CALL! Martin! (I'm Captain!) Heininger! (Left side!) Van Bergen! (Where've you been?) Rooooooooooooooooh! (I'm sophomore!) If you're wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts He's got a meal card and it's set on earth so you can really just relax For Michigan Defense Theater 3000. JORDAN Hi, everyone and welcome to the Satellite of Yost. I'm Jordan Kovacs and I'm ...
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