Originally written on Rumors and Rants  |  Last updated 10/16/13

Fortunately for guys like me, jackin’ it is not a crime, or I’d be filing this blog from Sing-Sing. But with the exception of that one time in college I forgot to lock the door to my dorm room, I’ve had the good sense not to do it in front of other people. After all, if there’s one thing that our old pal Carl Monday taught us, it’s that jackin’ it in public is highly illegal. Unfortunately, Oklahoma wide receiver Trey Metoyer does not appear to have received that public service announcement. Metoyer has been suspended indefinitely by coach Bob Stoops after admitting he exposed himself to two different women in recent months. In this case “suspended indefinitely” appears to be code for “kicked off the team” as Stoops said “I do not anticipate he will return to the team in the future.” The story was first broken by SoonerScoop.com, which has all the quality details. The first complaint was filed on Aug. 29 by a woman smoking a cigarette on a balcony who noticed a gentleman of Metoyer’s description pulling into a nearby parking space before whipping out his Boomer Schooner and going to town. Metoyer theoretically could have talked himself out of that incident — I mean come on, which of those two activities is more dangerous to one’s health? Smoking or stroking? Alas, the second one upped the creep factor just a little too much. On Sept. 17, Metoyer approached a woman and asked if he could borrow a pen. She went into her apartment to grab one for him, and when she returned he was jackin’ it. To top things off, he asked if she’d want the pen back. (Totally unsmooth, dude. The right move is to ask if she’s in “The Pen-15 Club.”) Though they knew full well what was happening, Oklahoma coaches did not elaborate on Metoyer’s absence from the team until Sooner Scoop broke the story. Given the facts, OU offensive coordinator Jay Norvell’s quote about the situation from Oct. 1 is… uh… well… “He’s going through some things right now,” Norvell said. “He’s trying to get his hands around it. And so we just wish him the best as he works through that.” I hate to break it to you, Jay, but I think “trying to get his hands around it” is what got Metoyer in this fix in the first place. Might want to think of another way to phrase that next time.

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