Travis Henry's Cocaine Not As Delicious, Says Competitor

Travis Henry was arrested today on suspicion of cocaine dealing in a suburb outside of Denver. It is believed he was involved in a multikilogram cocaine transaction outside of a nightclub, but was caught by an undercover officer in the middle of the night. The arrest has surprised many in the area, mainly because more than half the children in Colorado are Travis Henry's. But also because they did not know he was peddling coke. "Well, I'm very disappointed," said longtime Broncos fan Greg Kirkman. "I've been purchasing my cocaine from a shady character downtown for years! I had no idea I could get it from one of my own Broncos! I don't care about the price! I wouldn't trust Henry to watch my kids or be alone with my wife, but I do trust him to know the very best in cocaine..." But the news is not sitting as pretty with The Cocaine N Chairs Warehouse, Denver's largest superstore for illegal drugs, and also chairs. La-Z-Boy, stardust, Ashley Furniture, blow, Kane's, rock, they have all the best brands. "We want to remind everyone that The Cocaine N Chairs Warehouse has been your trusted source for all your sitting and smoking needs since 1971," they released in a statement. "Don't be fooled by all the free advertising Travis Henry is trying to stir up by being arrested. When you smoke our coke, you know you are smoking the finest Columbian imports. And it's all backed by the CNCW 100% guarantee. If you aren't 100% high after smoking our cocaine, feel free to try and figure out how a phone works when blitzed out of your skull and call us for a refund. Offer only good while high as balls."