2010 Grammy Awards Recap

While I’m not really a firm believer in the Grammy’s ability to actually award the best in music, I do love me some cheesy pop goodness. So in an effort to not be one of those underground, ‘music-is-real-only-if-you’ve-never-heard-of-the-artist’ indie fans, I endured the 3 hour extravaganza. Net-net: Show started strong (Gaga, Beyonce, Colbert), but much like Pink’s cirque de solei ribbons, it spun it’s way quickly into whyamiwatchingthis oblivion. The Red Carpet: Lea Michelle from “Glee” looks adorable. She’s becoming increasingly difficult to not like. I can’t wait for the E! True Hollywood Story tracking The Situation’s inevitable path to prison. “Pants on the Ground” … a frightening peek into what it takes to achieve 15 minutes of fame in America. Common.Is.Hot. Sugarland. They look fine, but I don’t get them. Are they together? Are they related? WAIT?! Are they the Jack & Meg White of the country music world? If Vegas had a themed Cracker Barrel, Adam Lambert would work the host stand. Ricky Martin is back. …Pausing for yelps of excitement…He’s still wearing leather. MGMT. Pocket pals. But insanely bad suits. This just in…I’ve decided I really like Ryan SeaBreeze. I can’t help myself. Dare I say that Lady Gaga’s outfit is actually, well, not that crazy (as compared to red lace face masks and fake blood)? Not sure her “purse” is very functional. Lead singer of Paramore = Lead singer of Garbage. Who is/are Lady Antebellum? I’d like to nominate them for worst country music band name of the year. Justin Bieber. I don’t get it. I guess I’m not supposed to given that he’s 15. He’s trying so very hard to keep his hair blowing forward. It’s defying gravity. Imogen Heap is the poor man’s Gaga (fashion-wise anyway). The parasol & neck skirt are confusing me. Smokey Robinson can’t blink or move his face. Wax museum come to life. Kind of. Russell & Katie. I give it 6 months. I still think Josh cheated on Fergie. I mean, right? Dear Carrie Underwood… Unless you’re wearing Kate Hudson’s white stunner from the SAG awards and/or are actually walking down the aisle…No white gowns. Colbie Caillat. I’m not even gonna touch what you’re wearing. It looks like the Christmas wrap you see in your mom’s holiday closet year after year because it never gets used. In other news, this is mean, but I just feel like you’re a dime a dozen acoustic singer with SWEET connections. Here’s a riddle…How do you make a teenager look 45? Answer: Put them in the dress Taylor Swift is wearing. I don’t love Beyonce’s dress, but lordy she’s stunning. Nicole Kidman is looking less frozenfrace tonight. She TOWERS over Keith. Kei$ha. Nope. Rihanna. See Carrie Underwood comment + there’s a canoe on your head. The Performances, Awards & Such: Lady Gaga: She’s kind of a pop music genius. She just likes to dress like a butterfly. The Jane Fonda hose are almost unforgivable, but I mean, she threw herself into a pit of fire for dramatic effect. That’s impressive. And she got Elton. “Justin Timberlake brought the “Sexy Back”, Susan Boyle sent it away.” - Stephen Colbert “Single Ladies” wins song (a writer’s award) of the year. Love it or hate it, you can’t deny you know all the words. Who knew Green Day spanned a Broadway show? Is it like Mama Mia for the punk/90s goth set? I’m over Taylor Swift acting shocked she’s won an award. Beyonce: LOVE her cover of “You Outta Know”. She killed it. Take note Kei$ha or whatever the hell your name is. That’s how you do it. Pink. Wow. How does she do that? And why does she have to be wet? Britney can’t even sing live standing still. Miley: I’m all for frugality, but that dress looks cheap even by Forever 21 standards. And also, you’ve taken the “extensions” in hair extensions to an entirely unacceptable level. BEP (apparently it’s what the kids are calling them): They write some catchy stuff. What can I say? The homemade robots are embarrassing though. Who’s the set director? Jonas Brothers have officially taken one enormous step toward Hanson Brothers status. Record of the Year (a performance award) just went to Kings of Leon. I’m no oddsmaker, but that had to be an upset. They’re drunk. How original. Jamie Fox is ridiculous. He’s embarrassing himself. Slash? Did he just pull up Raven Simone? What’s happening? Justin Bieber & Kei$sha. Power couple. Stevie Nicks is the only person who can/should sing “Rhiannon”. And as it turns out, Taylor Swift is the only person who can/should sing “You Below With Me”. But not tonight. Where was I supposed to pick up my 3D glasses for Avatar the Musical? Sending Michael’s kids out there feels like GROSS exploitation. Side note: They do look like him. So I don’t know much about country music, but I want to be clear on this…Is the Sugarland lady’s voice considered good? Damn Bon Jovi. Aging like a dream. Dave Matthews, yes, all of your songs sound the same, but they all sound good, so who cares? Beyonce acknowledged that she loves Jay! I want to watch TV with them on a random Tuesday. What was the point of the Drake/Lil’ Wayne/Eminem collaboration? 50% was bleeped. Snooooooooze. I’m going to bed. Does anyone even care who wins record/album/whatever of the year? No? Me neither. To quote Lil’ Wayne “Nighty @#$^@#$%^Night”.