Originally posted on Next Impulse Sports  |  Last updated 12/3/12
Every holiday season we’re reminded that for every great Christmas song, there are at least ten others out there that suck. For the purpose of this list, I only went as far back as the late 1970s (John Denver, you dodged a bullet this time), and excluded a lot of novelty songs that were just too obvious (sorry, “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”). The following lumps of musical coal, in no particular order, include absurd covers, cheesy originals and the strangest duet of all time. Merry Christmas, everyone — and keep these songs off your holiday party playlist! Honorable Mention: Singing Animals Click here to view the embedded video. Let’s be honest, this list could have just been “Jingle Cats Greatest Hits”, and we could all go home early. But that would be too easy. However, we still must recognize the unfortunate existence of Jingle Cats, Jingle Dogs, and all their various incarnations. If you know anyone who keeps one of these albums in their regular Christmas music rotation, immediately stop being friends with them. It was never fun even in an ironic way. And yes, we should all still be jealous we didn’t think of this and make millions off it. 5. Michael Bolton — Our Love Is Like A Holiday Click here to view the embedded video. With apologies to Kenny G — this list just couldn’t handle so much incredible hair — Michael Bolton starts us off with this sappy love-song-disguised-as-Christmas-tune. While this technically is a Christmas song — by virtue of saying the word “Christmas” a few times — it doesn’t really involve anything related to Christmas, and easily could have been reappropriated for some other holiday currently lacking an Adult Contemporary anthem. Also, for the record, I have nothing against Michael Bolton — I enjoyed his work on all those VH1 I Love The 70s/80s/90s/00s shows — but this was an unfortunate incident. 4. Rosie O’Donnell and Elmo — Do You Hear What I Hear Click here to view the embedded video. Remember when Rosie O’Donnell had an afternoon talk show? The hour-long gab fest was a bubbly mix of show tunes, unrequited Tom Cruise love and puppets. Right off the bat, Rosie struck up a friendship with Elmo, thus launching the Sesame Streeter’s profile to unprecedented heights — she played a major role in the Tickle Me Elmo craze. Unfortunately, their love for each other led to a grating rendition of the already annoying “Do You Hear What I Hear” — the above video is from a Today Show appearance in 1996. For further torture, I dare you to sit through the entire three-and-a-half minute studio version. 3. Newsong — The Christmas Shoes Click here to view the embedded video. I was spared knowledge of this song’s existence until many years after its release (2000, aka my Dave Matthews obsession years, when no other music existed). Over the following decade, I’d heard tales of this being the worst Christmas song ever. As someone who isn’t swayed by hype (okay, you got me on the Dave Matthews thing) I didn’t buy in — and then I listened to it. Two things: first, the hype was (and still is) very real. Second, there’s nothing I can say that will ever top the great Patton Oswalt. Take it away, Patton! 2. Paul McCartney — Wonderful Christmas Time Click here to view the embedded video. From the “Awful Songs By Great Beatles Songwriters” department, we have this crime against Yuletide merriment, sprung from the mind of one Sir Paul McCartney. This agonizing ode to holiday cheer is highlighted by some crazed synth player who either had seizures mid-song or was just really high on coke — it was 1979, so there is a 99.99% chance of the latter being the case. Just because Sir Paul wrote some of the greatest songs in the history of mankind, doesn’t mean he gets a pass for this travesty. 1. Bing Crosby and David Bowie — Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth Click here to view the embedded video. Okay, I lied, this is legitimately the #1 worst Christmas song, but only because it’s a triple whammy of annoyance (nobody actually likes “Little Drummer Boy”), circumstance and historical ramifications. By 1977, Bing Crosby was the undisputed King of Christmas, if only for the fact “White Christmas” was the best-selling song of all time. Meanwhile, David Bowie was the undisputed Androgynous Ruler of Glam Rock. Naturally, it only made sense for the two to pair up for Bing’s “Merrie Olde Christmas” TV special, right? Bowie initially refused to participate — pa rum pum pum pumming gets annoying really fast, apparently – but after adding the “Peace on Earth” counter-melody, he agreed to appear. Unfortunately for Bing’s legacy (again, the guy who has defined Christmas for generations around the world), this would be the final act of a brilliant career, as he died a month after the September recording session. The special aired posthumously, and while the world watched arguably the unlikeliest duet of all time, Bing proceeded to roll over in his grave — twice. Article found on: Cosby Sweaters
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Kyrie Irving has no regrets about cursing at heckler who taunted him about LeBron

Tennessee's Rashaan Gaulden flips double bird to 'Bama fans, down by 22 points

WATCH: Adrian Killins injured after crashing into goat bucket

Twitter reacts to Adrian Killins leaving everyone in dust on 79-yard TD

Kristaps Porzingis wants to see changes from Knicks before committing long-term

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Jimbo Fisher gets into it with fan holding derogatory sign after loss

WATCH: Longhorns coach trucked during sideline celebration

Cam Newton violates NFL rules by refusing to speak with media all week

Jemele Hill says she ‘deserved’ ESPN suspension, stands by comments

Six teams on upset alert in NFL Week 7

Kevin Durant would ‘love’ to make All-Defensive Team

Sports & Politics Intersect: Cubs owner up for Heritage Foundation post

The 'Like Mike, only better' quiz

Three Up, Three Down: Dodgers finish Cubs while Astros find pain in the Bronx

The 'Some call me the Rocket, some people call me Maurice' quiz

Kyrie Irving must lead Celtics through a disaster in search for happiness

Jacoby Brissett: The forgotten up-and-comer

NFL Week 7 Predictions

The 'Can I have a quick sword with you?' quiz

College football 2017 Week 8 predictions

NFL Referee Hotline Bling: Austin Seferian-Jenkins drops a call

Blackhawks get extra depth on defense with newbies Rutta and Forsling

The 'Old faces in new places' quiz

Entertainment News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Yardbarker Privacy Policy and Terms of Service. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

Houston Astros hold off Yankees, forcing Game 7

Sports & Politics Intersect: Cubs owner up for Heritage Foundation post

The 'Like Mike, only better' quiz

Three Up, Three Down: Dodgers finish Cubs while Astros find pain in the Bronx

The 'Some call me the Rocket, some people call me Maurice' quiz

Kyrie Irving must lead Celtics through a disaster in search for happiness

Jacoby Brissett: The forgotten up-and-comer

NFL Week 7 Predictions

College football 2017 Week 8 predictions

The 'Can I have a quick sword with you?' quiz

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker