Open discussion: Is Elin Nordegren that annoying?

I don't know where I'm going with this. Let's find out.

When I was a freshman in high school, I had a few friends who were seniors. And those friends had girlfriends who were seniors, so of course they were far hotter and exotic than girls who were freshmen. For my money, the hottest girl in my high school was Blisten Jickolly.

Obviously we're going to use fake names, because I don't need Blisten Googling her name and finding my blog and causing me to become massively embarrassed that when I think of "hot girls" her name still pops into my underdeveloped, adolescent brain.

Anyway, this guy Blarback was dating her. And cheating on her. And whining about her. He did all that stuff a lot. I never understood it. I really can't overemphasize how hot this girl was. Yet all he did was blow her off, cheat on her with far uglier chicks and talk about how he'd break up with her if he could.

I'll never forget one of my sports coaches explaining the rationale for it. He said, "You show me the hottest girl on the planet, and I'll show you a guy who is tired of (watching TV with) her."

I had to class up that quote, because this is a classy blog that only discusses classy things, like the hotness of chicks relative to how boring they must be for men to cheat on them.

I didn't understand that quote back then, but I do now. Not from experience, dude, because I've never watched TV with anyone as hot as Blisten or Elin Nordegren, who must literally be the most boring and/or annoying woman on the planet for a guy worth a billion dollars to step out on her with two chicks I would pass on at last call.

If any girl just talks to me I prematurely ********* then propose marriage once I regain consciousness, so I'm wait out of my depth here. But in terms of real men who aren't socially awkward, I totally get it now. Hotness can only take you so far. In this case, it can probably take you to two kids and half a billion dollars in the divorce settlement, but still. It can't take you all the way.

So here's my question -- is Elin Nordegren the most boring and/or annoying woman on the planet?

Look at her. (Joker voice) Look at her! (End Joker voice). She's popped out two racially confused kids and she's still a 10. Tiger is worth a billion dollars and a pretty smart dude, which means he probably at some point decided it was worth $500 million to risk being with someone else that didn't make him want to shoot himself.

That's just record-setting boring right there. And from what I can gather from married people, you're all bored and would all cheat on each other if you had the options and financial situation of Tiger, so I don't think anyone can judge him. Chris Rock is right. A man is only as faithful as his options, and Tiger's got more options than the Navy football team's offense.

Now look at the other women. The one looks like a overtanned horse that may or may not have been a man at some point, and the Tool Academy broad looks like something you or I could pick up in about 45 seconds if were going through the early stages of glaucoma. Can you imagine how bored Tiger is with his wife to use them as his outlet?

I picture Tiger coming home from a long day on the links, driving balls and chipping shots and just dying to sit down and relax with his wife.

"Honey, I'm home."
"Hi."
"How was your day? What did you do?"
"I watched Maury and bought some stuff on Home Shopping."
"That's nice. Want to watch a movie?"
"Eh, I don't like movies."
"OK, how about some TV?"
"I watched TV all day."
"OK, want to go grab takeout? Maybe go for a walk?"
"I'm sort of tired from all the TV watching and Home Shopping."
"OK, so what do you want to do?"
"I'm just going to read US Weekly in the kitchen."
"US Weekly? That magazine is trash. You can't believe anything you read in there."

Then Tiger calls the other woman.

"Hey, it's Tiger. Please delete my number from your phone because I think my wife is onto us. And whatever you do, don't send this recorded digital message to US Weekly, because my wife reads that crap."

Next thing you know, Tiger is fleeing in his automobile while Elin is bashing the back windshield with the golf club that made her rich beyond her wildest dreams.

Tiger is either a cold, calculating genius or a complete idiot whose ***** needs to get its eyes examined. Either way, I'm sure he's glad to be getting Elin out of his receding hair, otherwise he wouldn't have done what he did. Allegedly.