August 09, 2012

Dear IOC: Please consider these new

The 2012 London Olympics is quickly drawing to a close, and I must admit…I’m bored. You heard right! Bored! As in, “oh my gosh, my eardrums are going to burst if I have to hear Tim Daggett explain point deductions one more time” bored.  It’s not that I hate the Olympics or anything; it’s just that, apart from men’s basketball and Usain Bolt’s uncanny Roadrunner impersonation, there isn’t much out there for me. But even for those who happen to like swimming, gymnastics, and various other obscure sports you’ll only see once every four years, any sports fan in or around my demographic can admit that the Olympics could use a little spicing up. Coincidentally, that’s exactly what I’m here to do today. Let’s take the Olympics we love and make them a bit more engaging for immature, childish men like myself. Below is a list of potential new “sports” I’d like to propose to the IOC. They are most definitely out of the box, but I have no doubt they’d quickly find their way to your DVR. So, while your wife is busy watching 12 year old Chinese girls fall off the balance beam, you can take part in the most sophomoric Olympic events in the history of mankind. Please, hold the applause!

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