April 09, 2008

Penn State PG Masturbates in Library

So, if you don't know who the hell Stanley Pringle is, you should. Since you're a turd though, I'll inform you. He's the starting Point Guard on the Penn State basketball team?and quite the fine community citizen, as I'll inform you below. Pringle came out and spoke to declare his innocence on the charges filed that said he attempted to masturbate to a woman in the Student Library. Police said Pringle, the team's point guard, sat behind the victim in the stacks section of the library, attempted to start a conversation with the woman and began masturbating. Pringle came out today and informed us that he told police he has "a bad habit of putting his hand down his pants," and demonstrated for the officer by placing his hand down the front of his sweatpants, according to the complaint. "Why would I need to masturbate?" he told police. "This is how I chill, ma'am." Sadly, the official police report pretty much buffs Mr. Pringles entire story. According to the report, Pringle sat down on top of a desk behind her and asked if she wanted to purchase some hand lotion he was selling for the basketball team? After 15 minutes of conversation with Pringle, she heard the sound of adjusting clothing followed by a "smacking sound, like Pringle's hand was smacking against the skin of his body." The victim said she did not turn around because she was afraid, adding that she believed this to be the sound of masturbation and could see a reflection of Pringle's hand moving back and forth, according to the criminal complaint? Pringle then answered his ringing cell phone and proceeded to make "moaning sounds" and "sounded like he was short of breath." ? [Later] she saw Pringle rubbing his hands together, "as if he had just put lotion on them," and when she returned to her seat, she said she saw Pringle tying the drawstring on his sweatpants. I'm curious. Did the fine lady buy any lotion?

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