If you've ever lived in south Florida, you pretty much may think of Miami as a city where you put everyone you could possibly hate in a really hot and humid city and make them sit in traffic together. But there is much more to this place than that clumsy, run-on sentence such as....
1. In most normal cities, it is generally known that when a light turns red, it means "stop." In Miami, however, it means that three, even four more cars are permitted to proceed. This, however, only applies to cars turning left. So say you are creeping out into the intersection to try and make a left, no less than two cars will inch up directly behind you waiting for the light to change so they go through too. Inability to follow this unwritten rule will result in being cursed out in Spanish and honked at by a dude in a BMW.
2. Speaking English really loud will not make someone who only speaks Spanish understand you.
3. DUI= not an offense. I've never heard of anyone getting a DUI down here, and once I thought I saw a checkpoint on the causeway from Miami Beach to the mainland, but turned out it was just an escort for Gloria Estefan. I guess the cops have better things to do like dodge bullets from gangs and investigate voter fraud...but word to the wise...stay off the streets from 10-6am while driving because chances are the guy driving towards you on the one way had 2 bottles of Patron to the dome.
4. This might seem like a minute difference, but in reality it almost got me Christopher Reeve'd on Biscayne Boulevard last week. Pedestrians never have the right of way down here. This is pretty much a polar opposite from cities like NYC, where street walkers (the legal ones) have the right of way everywhere and control the flow of traffic. Down here, you would think that the people in delivery trucks get +10 points for every child they manage to make dents in the grill.
5. Girls down here are really easy to translate (not in the literal sense, unless you buy Rosetta Stone). For example, and mind you, these are just examples of things I've heard this week ALONE...
Girl 1: Girls in Miami are so superficial. I hate this city.
Translation: I am ugly. Because I have a foot for a face, I was never able to pull a man with money down here, and I am jealous at the women who could squeeze a few dollars out of her greasy gentleman to buy a nice bag. I am going back to Orlando.
Girl 2: Yeah, I know Spanish pretty well.
Translation: I am hispanic.
Girl 3: I go to parties at the Versace Mansion all the time
Translation: I can tell you the shoe size of all Miami Heat players.
1. In most normal cities, it is generally known that when a light turns red, it means "stop." In Miami, however, it means that three, even four more cars are permitted to proceed. This, however, only applies to cars turning left. So say you are creeping out into the intersection to try and make a left, no less than two cars will inch up directly behind you waiting for the light to change so they go through too. Inability to follow this unwritten rule will result in being cursed out in Spanish and honked at by a dude in a BMW.
2. Speaking English really loud will not make someone who only speaks Spanish understand you.
3. DUI= not an offense. I've never heard of anyone getting a DUI down here, and once I thought I saw a checkpoint on the causeway from Miami Beach to the mainland, but turned out it was just an escort for Gloria Estefan. I guess the cops have better things to do like dodge bullets from gangs and investigate voter fraud...but word to the wise...stay off the streets from 10-6am while driving because chances are the guy driving towards you on the one way had 2 bottles of Patron to the dome.
4. This might seem like a minute difference, but in reality it almost got me Christopher Reeve'd on Biscayne Boulevard last week. Pedestrians never have the right of way down here. This is pretty much a polar opposite from cities like NYC, where street walkers (the legal ones) have the right of way everywhere and control the flow of traffic. Down here, you would think that the people in delivery trucks get +10 points for every child they manage to make dents in the grill.
5. Girls down here are really easy to translate (not in the literal sense, unless you buy Rosetta Stone). For example, and mind you, these are just examples of things I've heard this week ALONE...
Girl 1: Girls in Miami are so superficial. I hate this city.
Translation: I am ugly. Because I have a foot for a face, I was never able to pull a man with money down here, and I am jealous at the women who could squeeze a few dollars out of her greasy gentleman to buy a nice bag. I am going back to Orlando.
Girl 2: Yeah, I know Spanish pretty well.
Translation: I am hispanic.
Girl 3: I go to parties at the Versace Mansion all the time
Translation: I can tell you the shoe size of all Miami Heat players.
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