by DMtShooter, Five Tool ToolThe PGA Tour is staring down the barrel at months of lower ratings in the wake of Tiger Woods' knee rehabilitation. How are they planning to compensate for the expected revenue and ratings loss?
10. Rocco Mediate has to grow a sinister mustache to twirl as he gloats over how he "took out Tiger"
9. DJ Trahan, Kenny Perry and Jeff Quinney have to undergo controversial deep tanning bed treatments
8. 40% of field now required to wear a red shirt on Sundays, in the hopes of tricking casual viewers
7. New nicknames mandated for Lion Mickelson, Cheetah Singh and Screaming Lemur Garcia
6. Exciting new "whip it out" rule for players with shorter drives on the back nine on Sundays
5. The awesome power and majesty that is a Colin Montgomerie Dunk Tank
4. Unnamed scientists from the Bay Area brought in as "swing and nutrition consultants"
3. PGA Tour Commissioner TIm Finchem to give away one million dollars to one lucky viewer every week; Finchem also plans to start hitting slow players with steel chairs
2. Jack Nicklaus forced to come back in a powered exo-skeleton
1. Belitting all tournament winners until one of them snaps
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