CHICAGO, IL -- In yet another tale of these troubling times of HMO's and poor health care plans, Chicago Cubs' third baseman Aramis Ramirez has found himself a plan that works. The Cubs third baseman, who was paid $9 million in salary this year to hit home runs, has found a second job to help him and his family scrape by. After his 0-for-12 performance in the Cubs' NLDS series against the Arizona Diamondbacks, the Tribune Company ? which still owns the Cubs franchise ? did some investigating and found proof that Ramirez has taken on additional employment as a professional outmaker. (SATIRE)