Despite his heroics, Varitek is still The Hitter Most Safe for a Bathroom Break

For every pinch-hit home run he pulls out of his hat (and really, he looked terrible swinging at the first two pitches) there seems to be three pop ups and three inning-ending double plays. I mean, despite last night's heroics, he's still The Hitter Most Safe for a Bathroom Break (having replaced Coco Crisp while in Japan).