Much to the chagrin of the American Mustache Society, Jason Giambi has shaved off his slump busting stache. That got me to thinking what the best methods to break the bad karma of a slump really are. Some of these are tactics people actually use and some of them simply should be used. Listed from lamest to smoothest.
10. Growing a beard - Completely unoriginal and boring. Anyone attempting to break their slump this way deserves to be shipped to the minors.
9. Mohawk - Anything that a high school kid does to piss off their parents is lame. Still better than a beard.
8. Shaving your head - Almost as lame as just growing a beard, but at least this is liable to get the player in trouble with their wife. That earns the head shave a spot at 8.
7. Eating your way out of a slump - Tons of players have done it. Babe Ruth used to claim that "scallions are the greatest cure for a slump" One can only imagine the hilariously nasty things that players have tried.
6. Growing the stache - Would be lower on the list if people still rocked the stache. But since it makes you look like a porn star, it gets more love.
5. Not washing underwear, pants, socks etc - Locks down #5 cause of the nasty factor.
4. Sprinkling Eye Drops on your bat - This one is courtesy of Ozzie Guillen who claimed it allowed his bat to "see the ball better." I couldn't have made that up if I tried.
3. Hold a seance to awaken the dead wood in the bats - Sadly I wish I was clever enough to have made this one up. This one is courtesy of Mike Greenwell.
2. Wearing women's underwear - If it is good enough for Tim Robbins, it is good enough for #2 on the list.
1. Mutton Chops - Nothing would make me happier than to see a player bust out some Civil War style chops.
10. Growing a beard - Completely unoriginal and boring. Anyone attempting to break their slump this way deserves to be shipped to the minors.
9. Mohawk - Anything that a high school kid does to piss off their parents is lame. Still better than a beard.
8. Shaving your head - Almost as lame as just growing a beard, but at least this is liable to get the player in trouble with their wife. That earns the head shave a spot at 8.
7. Eating your way out of a slump - Tons of players have done it. Babe Ruth used to claim that "scallions are the greatest cure for a slump" One can only imagine the hilariously nasty things that players have tried.
6. Growing the stache - Would be lower on the list if people still rocked the stache. But since it makes you look like a porn star, it gets more love.
5. Not washing underwear, pants, socks etc - Locks down #5 cause of the nasty factor.
4. Sprinkling Eye Drops on your bat - This one is courtesy of Ozzie Guillen who claimed it allowed his bat to "see the ball better." I couldn't have made that up if I tried.
3. Hold a seance to awaken the dead wood in the bats - Sadly I wish I was clever enough to have made this one up. This one is courtesy of Mike Greenwell.
2. Wearing women's underwear - If it is good enough for Tim Robbins, it is good enough for #2 on the list.
1. Mutton Chops - Nothing would make me happier than to see a player bust out some Civil War style chops.
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