For those of you youngsters who are thinking about playing professional baseball, you can learn from such a player's follies. Here is how you punch your ticket out of a major league job, despite an undeniable ability to see a baseball and hit it: * Demand to be traded from the team that brought you up * Tell the GM from said team to "trade me, faggot" on the radio * After being traded twice, adopt a baby girl, then get mad at the team for not congratulating you, even though you were probably an insufferable ass to them all season * Refuse to sit in the dugout on day in which you were benched * Write "This is a sinking ship" on the team chalkboard * Fight thy manager * Reportedly rip off the Canadian flag patch from your hat after being taken out of the game on Canada Day * Don't take walks (Hillenbrand has taken a whopping five this year, which brings his career total to, like, fourteen) * Get designated for assignment, traded to a team who hates you, and then signed by a new team (who also hates you) * Tell new team that "if I'm not going to play here, give me enough respect to trade me or get rid of me." * Get designated for assignment again