A Post About Posts

Jesus Montero, people! We’re in the wake of the biggest game in the history of baseball (which would have been bigger in the playoffs) and I have to stop writing my post about the movie Me, Myself & Irene to remind you all of the oath you took: By posting comments, opinions or questions at Another Cubs Blog, you, the poster, agree to ask yourself one question before hitting the submit button: What Would Alvin Do? Alvin is the model blogger/commenter to which we should all aspire. If Alvin would do it, you should. If he wouldn’t, get the fuck out. Before you post that comment, check to see if you’ve correctly linked every noun and verb to another Web page for explanation. Before you ask everyone about your child’s choice of underwear, make sure you’ve posted pictures of each choice against your child’s wishes. After posting pictures of my son’s haircut (I think my daughter got a haircut, but who cares?), I told him we could keep the clippings for his baby book. I got a big kick out of that. I’ve received many e-mails recently from confused people, asking what words like ‘hick’ and ‘goy’ mean. If you people would just link to such words, you wouldn’t confuse people. I get up really early in the morning to go to work. I’ve also received e-mails about incomplete content. Not to call anyone out, but (for example) poster dylanj complained about genital fungus recently. No fewere than 10 people e-mailed me within minutes of the post asking for pictures. Since it was really early in the morning and I was at work instead of at my home computer, I didn’t have any to send them right away. That’s at least $100— ...10 people I’ve lost as readers. Let’s also keep the language to a minimum. Posts about kicking puppies will not be allowed. Just typing that made me sick to my stomach. In addition mocking posts made by posters unapproved to mock will not be allowed. I don’t care if you really are having a picnic. If you’re not a regular moneymake— …poster, you have stricter rules. One person who I’ve already had to ban e-mailed me afterward and said that I was a sanctimonious prick with the IQ of a cup filled with semen. I replied, “I can’t argue with that.” Shut him right up. Now let’s put this in the past and look ahead to tonight’s game, which would be an ESPN Instant Classic if it’s exciting and it were Game 7 of the NLCS. It’s like I told my friends after last night’s game: “That game had one or two components of a really good game.” We all got a kick out of that. Carlos Zambrano, who’s been less lazy and selfish lately, faces off against Ben Sheets, who’s been really lucky all year. I told my son’s friends who were over for a sleepover – pictures to come – that Sheets was one arm injury away from a set of steak knives. They laughed.