Originally written on Midwest Sports Fans  |  Last updated 11/16/14

As some of you know and others may not, I now live in Dallas, Texas after spending the vast majority of my first 26 years in the Hoosier State. Living so far away from my beloved Indiana Hoosiers, Chicago White Sox, and midwestern friends has a number of drawbacks, which was part of the reason I launched this site some 3+ years ago.

But there is one aspect of living in Dallas that absolutely tops the Midwest by leaps and bounds: I get to listen to The Ticket, aka America’s Favorite Radio Station, every day on the way to work and on the way home. I never knew what I was missing before I moved down here, and now that I know, I’ll be a loyal listener wherever I live even if I don’t particularly care about the teams they discuss most.

The reason for this Ticket loyalty despite the apparent disconnect in topic interest is because the station is just so funny (and because, admittedly, they spend a lot less time talking about Dallas sports than you might think). They have a number of clever bits, including impersonations of high profile sports personalities, that are consistently terrific.

Few of these impersonations are as good as Fake Nolan Ryan, and they are made even better when put into the proper context…which is that the real Nolan Ryan and the outlandish caricature of Nolan Ryan that often gets portrayed (both on The Ticket and elsewhere) are not all that dissimilar.

This morning while I drove in to work, The Musers played one of the most well-known and beloved pieces of audio in the station’s history. I’ve heard it a few times before, but I’ve never posted about it. Since it’s a slow sports day, that oversight ends right now.

I agree with Junior Miller, one of The Musers, that the audio clip below – in which the real Nolan Ryan recounts his work to help control the snow monkey population in Texas – is the single funniest moment I’ve ever heard on this station, or any radio station for that matter.

It’s less than five minutes, and it is well worth your time. I promise.

Remember: this is really Nolan Ryan, and this is a true story.

Audio courtesy of TheUnticket.com

As you can imagine, the Nolan Ryan-snow monkeys bit surfaces regularly in the Fake Nolan Ryan segments. When I first heard these regular bits during baseball season, I’d never heard the original snow monkey story and didn’t understand the context. I didn’t even realize snow monkeys were real; I thought it was just something they made up for the bit. Now that I’ve heard it a few times, it make the Fake Nolan bits that much better.

Even if you couldn’t care less about the Texas Rangers, they have earned a high enough profile over the last two years – and Ryan has always had a high profile – that the jokes won’t be “too inside” for you to get. Here are a number of the Fake Nolan bits from the last several years, which you should definitely either listen to or download for later. They’re hilarious.

  • Snow Monkeys Follow Fake Nolan to Surprise, AZ
  • Ranger Promotion Talk (including “***** Night” and “Snow Monkey Night”)
  • Fake Nolan Talks About the Rangers’ Woes

Click here to view all of the Fake Nolan segments The Unticket has up.

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