Get To Know An ACB Legend, Part IV: Pmayo, Mercurial Outfielder

This interview took place at the brand new ACB Headquarters in London. I grilled Pmayo hour after hour seeking answers. After injecting a truth serum, laced with a little bit of PCP, Pmayo began talking and told me everything I wanted to know. MB21: Thanks for taking some of your valuable time to answer these questions. Would you like to say anything before we start? Pmayo: Sinn Fein is not a terrorist organization. MB21: We talk a lot about stupid people on this site so I figure we should at least cover that. Which one is dumber: Phil Rogers or Gordon Whittenmeyer? Pmayo: Rogers. And it’s not even close. Back when we lived in caves, and communicated with grunts, Rogers would have had his head bashed on a rock wall before he was 10. His +/- column is the most ignorant, poorly argued piece of baseball journalism, ever. MB21: Paul Sullivan or Dave Van Dyck? Pmayo: These present an interesting case. Both guys used to be good, or at least readable, and both appear to be just mailing it in of late. I’m going to go with van Dyck, since he can’t be bothered to actually look things up, but this is really a push. And I’d like to add that Paul Sullivan is a man who looks like an old lesbian. MB21: Chris DeLuca or Bruce Miles? Pmayo: DeLuca, hands down. Miles, as we all know, posts over at BCB, but he at least attempts to educate himself by reading more statistically-oriented stuff, even if his columns show he doesn’t really grasp how to utilize it. DeLuca just panders to LCD-type fan, and his vendetta against the Cubs since Derosa left is just childish. MB21: Which blog is more useless: Towel Drills (Ryan Theriot Love Blog) or BCB? Pmayo: BCB, because it reaches so much further. It’s a festival of dubious rhetorical tactics, insipid discussions of stats, and toeing of the company line. It’s hardly worth lampooning anymore.Though that’s not likely to stop us from doing so. MB21: Ivy Chat or TCR? Pmayo: I really can’t say. I don’t read either one. Chuck’s anti-Soriano polemics are just silly, and TCR lost me after AZPhil just made up a “story” about Pie out of whole cloth. They do, however, serve the important purpose of taking up stupidass readers that might otherwise find their way here, so for that, I applaud them. MB21: ACB or Wriglevilley23? Pmayo: ACB. Really, all we do is use incorrect stats improperly to justify anything. In between, we just like to make fun of people and curse. Cone posts pics of fat naked guys. We write and sing “Go Cubs Go” many times in the bleachers. We’re a gang of Pollacks. Lee Tammers and Mery Gerdle say so. We are the biggest collection of snarky fuckwits on the web. That’s pretty damn useless. MB21: Favorite Cubs blog and why? Pmayo: Wrigleyville23. They keep it short, sweet and to the point, they know their niche, and stick to it. Just the right amount of snark, and WV’s ability to antagonize White Sox and Brewer fans is unparalleled. MB21: Least favorite Cubs blog and why? Pmayo: canthecubsmendmyheart. Because he stopped doing it. That was so horridly awesome, I wish it had gone on forever. MB21: We’re both big fans of cooking around here, so French or Italian? Pmayo: French. If it doesn’t involve butter and/or cheese, it probably isn’t worth eating. Although, I must say that the most innovative, exciting cuisine now is coming out of Spain. Simply amazing stuff going on there. MB21: Hot dog or a hamburger? Pmayo: A Chicago hot dog. Every time. MB21: Orange chicken or orange roughy? Pmayo: Orange Roughy. BTW, “Orange Roughy” would also make an excellent working name for a red-haired dominatrix. MB21: Do you read every word? Pmayo: Only on Thursdays. MB21: Trick question, dumb hick or feminist republican? Pmayo: Neither. Dedicated statfag. MB21: Since you’re a little sissy statfag, name 3 Cubs bloggers who could strike you out on 3 pitches. Pmayo: GoatRider Rob, TheHawk, and BlueMike. MB21: KOW and Sue369 at the same time? Pmayo: I need pitching wedge, some ice cubes, and a bucket of KFC Extra Tasty Crispy. Because folds don’t grease themselves. MB21: Moving on to the more serious questions, you’re a lot like me in that you seem to enjoy rooting for those who are unreasonably disliked. Why? Pmayo: There’s a quote that’s had a profound impact on my life since the day I read it. It’s from William James. His brother, Winky, was an officer in the all black regiment depicted in the movie “Glory.” Some time after the massacre of that regiment, a monument was erected to their sacrifice. James was asked to give a speech, and he closed it with this statement: ”[O]f five hundred of us who could storm a battery side by side with others, perhaps not one could be found who would risk his worldly fortunes all alone in resisting an enthroned abuse.” It’s something I’ve endeavored to do with my life since that day, so when I see people being treated unfairly, I move against it, in whatever way I can. I think what’s happened to Milton Bradley is awful, and so I’m going to defend him. And even if he lays an egg, it won’t matter. It wasn’t about defending him because I expected him to succeed; it was about defending someone no one else would step up and defend. MB21: If you could change the opinions of Cubs fans about just one thing, what would it be and why? Pmayo: That being a Cub fan doesn’t make you special. At least not in the sense of special where “special” means “unique.” MB21: Stats v. Scouts. Is one less important than the other? Pmayo: No. I think you have to have both. MB21: If you could change or add a rule in baseball, what would it be? Pmayo: Make the ASG an exhibition again. Fuck. Bud. Selig. MB21: Could you throw a dart and hit a better color analyst than Bob Brenly? Pmayo: Yes. Left-handed. In room full of deaf, mute puffins. MB21: What is it that you most dislike about Al Yellon? Pmayo: The complete inability to accept criticism and engage in critical discourse. MB21: What is the worst thing to every happen on ACB? Pmayo: The fat naked guy thread.