Hey Jack Z? Who’s on first? Ackley’s on second. I don’t know is on third

If you are like me, you struggle with making small talk in awkward social situations.  So I have compiled a small list that I call my cheat sheet to get me through some of these difficult moments.

Instead of asking someone what they do for work and have to sit and listen to them tell me about them drone on and on about a job that I don’t understand or care about understanding, instead I’ll ask them what their preferred superhero power would be.

I get a lot of blank stares, but then I know the people that can’t answer that question are not people that are worth my time anyway.

Of course, a good superhero conversation also has to include a discussion of their kryptonite.

I think my kryptonite would be clowns. 

Clowns are scary.  Not because they are wearing oversized clothes and red foamy noses but because clowns are overweight middle aged men who like to spend time with little children while wearing oversized clothes and make up.

Clowns are ok from a distance, like when bulls are attacking them at a rodeo or when they are 300 feet away in the center ring being attacked by lions.

Some people have been calling the current Mariners roster a bunch of clowns, but I haven’t seen anything like the whole 25 man roster pile out of a miniature car to start a game.

Some people have been calling the current Seattle roster a bunch of clowns

And I have found that my superpowers of cynicism and skepticism seem to be as sharp as ever when I watch their games.

So I think I have dispelled that rumor forever.

However, if people are talking about the Mariners being a joke, then they could be on to something.  The M’s management has made it clear that they expect this season to be messy and borderline terrible.

The thing is that there is uncertainty at every position.

Take this excerpt from an actual made up conversation between Eric Wedge and Jack Z:

Jack: Who’s on first?

Wedge: Yes.

Jack: Ha. Ha.  Very funny. Who?

Wedge: Someone will be. Who?  I was thinking maybe Justin Smoak or Mike Carp or maybe Jesus Montero.  Dustin Ackley could if we needed him to.

Jack: Well what are you thinking at catcher?

Wedge: Definitely think we should have one.

Jack: Are you for real?

Wedge:  I played catcher.  I should know.

Jack:  Ok…. Whatever.  Third.

Wedge:  Ichiro.

Jack: What?!?  At third base?

Wedge:  No.  Why would Ichiro play third base?

Jack: Then why did you say it?

Wedge: I thought you were asking who should bat third.

Jack: Seriously now.  Who’s on third?

Wedge: No.  Who’s on first.  I don’t know’s on third.  I’ve got I don’t know trying out at every position.

I could go on. But the point is that this season is going to be another painful one and the M’s need to find a way to fill the seats until they are competitive again.

I think that I’ve come up with a marketing solution that will do just that: “The Mariners are a joke”. 

This would give the M’s a chance to add a bit to what they have going in terms of entertainment at Safeco Field.

At the moment that is the dancing grounds crew and the rally fries.  I’m thinking that channeling a bit of the Harlem Globe Trotters into the spirit of the game.

It wouldn’t have to be in the game per se, but between innings allowing the athletes to act the part of the “clowns” that everyone thinks they are.

Or we could get over the fact that this isn’t 2001 anymore, the rebuilding is actually happening and isn’t just the lip service that we have grown accustomed to and enjoy watching baseball in the northwest.

Get over yourself, get excited, get tickets.

So… Um … What do you do for work anyway?

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