Wes Is a Mess. Wes Helms' bad day was only temporary.
MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Florida Marlins infielder Wes Helms was at the center of this past Sunday afternoon’s walk off win against the Atlanta Braves. But the usual post game shaving cream pie celebration took a left turn into what can only be described as a cataclysmic horror show.
Helms is severely allergic to shaving cream. Unfortunately for him, teammates forgot about this and “pied” him anyway. The result was a face melting of epic proportion that not only caused Helms to be disfigured beyond recognition but left permanent psychological scars on any of the fans who remained behind.
“I guess you can say I’m officially and completely ****** up,” said longtime Marlins fan, Hector Gomez of nearby Hialeah. “I’ll be seeing a team of psychiatrists for the rest of my natural life, and maybe for a little bit after I’m dead.”
It didn’t take long for the skin and nerves to be eaten away from Helms’ face as shrieks of terror reverberated off the mostly empty seating sections of the cavernous, multi-tiered Dolphins Stadium.
Helms seemed to take everything in stride, as if he’s experienced this before.
“I’ve used an electric razor for years because of my allergy to shaving cream,” the veteran infielder said. “In all the madness, I guess the guys just forgot abut my condition. But I’ll be fine.”
Stunningly, Helms was fine as Dr. Gerhardt Schlaussen, the brilliant plastic surgeon just happened to be in attendance. He was summoned to the Marlins locker room and was able to restore Helms face from the errant pieces of flesh the bat boys had frantically gathered before the fire – which had started in centerfield – swallowed horrified fans who were willingly free falling from the bleachers to their fiery deaths in a sort of apocalyptic, sacrificial jubilee.
Helms was not placed on the disabled list.
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